


we are one (1)

by gababa



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: BaekYeol - Freeform, Fluff and Humor, KaiSoo - Freeform, M/M, baekxing being broest bros, chat fic, no sexy time happening just being lightly mentioned, sehun is a brat, somehow this contains a bit more kaisoo than xingdae, with a side 2ho, would not call this quality fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2018-11-30 10:52:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 20,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11462082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gababa/pseuds/gababa
Summary: Ho: hair: bluedick: outnut: bustedBunny: …Old man: can someone explain this???Angel: chanyeol just dyed his hair blue





	1. the football captain

**Author's Note:**

> this is trash.  
> bunny: yixing  
> dae: jongdae (couldn't think of anything better)  
> old man: minseok  
> mother: joonmyeon  
> tol: chanyeol  
> salt: ksoo  
> angel: jongin  
> vivi's dad: sehun  
> baekie/ho: baekhyun

**Group chat: we are one (1)**

Vivi’s dad: so i was thinking…

Mother: since when can you do that?

Vivi’s dad: aNYWAYS as I was saying I’ve been thinking what if we are just cosmic dust floating around through this endless galaxy with no directions or a destination looking for something we will never achieve...

Old man: I’m too drunk for this. U deal with him @mother

Mother: ???

Vivi’s dad: what if all of us are looking for happiness and love only to figure it out at the end that we will never fully achieve them? what if we are eternally doomed to live the same life all over again until we feel like we achieved it and then die to do it all over again?

Mother: okay… what’s wrong?

Vivi’s dad: nothing is wrong. i’m just wasting my time on this giant planet all alone and unhappy. i was just thinking about life and death and our mission in this world…

Mother:  you??? thinking?? about mortality??? *narrows eyes*

Vivi’s dad: ok fine. chanyeol ate all of the cereal and im hungry.

Mother: …

Vivi’s dad: Hunger has taken over my senses and all I feel is the eternal emptiness in me that’d never be filled.

Mother:…..

Baekie: he just wants u to buy him food lol

Vivi’s dad: me??? manipulating joonmyeon??? WOW… how could u… i’ve never been more insulted in my entire purposeless existence. Money can never fulfill the needs I have. No material object can relieve the emotional burden I carry every day

Baekie:…

Mother:  Im heading out to the store. Are you sure you don’t want anything?

Vivi’s dad: ….well… maybe take out and a pie would give me strength to win the inner war

Baekie: brat lol

Vivi’s dad: says the one who pretended to have twisted his foot so he wouldn’t have to turn off his game and help joon with the dinner. If i remember correctly, which i DO, you even made joon give you a massage

Mother: he did WHAT now????!!!!!

Baekie: ….gtg. I love you Joonie, you know that right? (｡♥‿♥｡)(｡♥‿♥｡)(｡♥‿♥｡)

Mother: ive never felt more used....

 

XXX

 

Bunny: Hey guys! Have you seen my umbrella? I can’t find it anywhere (∩︵∩)

Baekie: i took it sorry (๑◕︵◕๑)(๑◕︵◕๑)(๑◕︵◕๑)

Bunny: Don’t be sorry Baekhyunie!!!! Take it anytime you want!! Stay dry!!! The rain is so heavy today. Did you wear your coat?

Baekie: no i forgot (๑◕︵◕๑)

Bunny: Baekie!! *sigh* Fine I'll give it to you on my way to work. Are you still at the uni?

Baekie: yes. thanks ge!!!! I love you!!!! ლζ*♡ε♡*ζლ

Bunny: I love you too (๑♡3♡๑)

Vivi’s dad: are you seeing this @dae?

Dae: wish i wasn’t

Bunny: We are just being affectionate! You know I only have eyes for you!!

Dae: then maybe stop flirting with that him 24/7???!!!! (ง •̀_•́)ง

 

_**Dae changed Baekie’s name to HO** _

 

Ho: tHeN mAyBe sToP FlIrTiNg WiTh HiM 24/7

Dae: (ง ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)ง(ง ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)ง(ง ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)ง

Bunny: Baby I’d never date Baekie you know that. I'm all yours!!!

Ho: never?? (｡•́︿•̀｡)

Bunny: Ok maybe if I wasn’t in love with Jongdae…

Dae:…

Dae: pain… betrayal… heartbreak…

Dae: u think you know someone…

Bunny: (๑♡3♡๑)

Vivi’s dad: @tol you are being too quiet.

Tol: ive accepted my faith long time ago. nothing can stand in between baekxing

Old man: baekxing?

Tol: baekhyun+yixing

Salt: wild

Bunny: you’re just jealous

Ho: you’re just jealous

Ho: oooooooooooh brooooo (●♡∀♡))ヾ☆*。(●♡∀♡))ヾ☆*。(●♡∀♡))ヾ☆*。(●♡∀♡))ヾ☆*。

Bunny: brooooo ლζ*♡ε♡*ζლ ლζ*♡ε♡*ζლ ლζ*♡ε♡*ζლ ლζ*♡ε♡*ζლ

Dae: bRO (ﾒ▼へ▼)ﾉ0=|⊃―

 

xxx

_**Private chat with kjd and dks** _

Ksoo: don’t take them too seriously. yixing really loves you. he never stops talking about you it’s both frustrating and cute.  + baek is a nice person (sometimes). you shouldn’t worry

Dae: i don’t lol. yixing loves me a lot and baek is one of my best friends. im not really jealous. we are just joking around

Ksoo: oh.. alright then

Dae: awwwwwwwwwwwww  you are such a sweetheart though!!! look at you getting worried for us <3333 you are the nicest in the bunch (not counting yixing, b/c no one can compare) but still…

Dae: Im telling everyone to stop calling you deadsoo

Ksoo: i didn’t spend years creating reputation for you to ruin it. do that and you’ll never eat my food again

Dae: fine (︶︹︺)

Ksoo: good.

 

xxx

Old man: guess WHAT happened today?

Ho: u finally retired??

 

_**Old man kicked Ho out of the group chat** _

 

Old man: guess who’s NOT gonna hear how joon embarrassed himself in front of a hot guy today

 

_**Tol added Ho to the group chat** _

 

Tol: sorry hyung but he bargains well

Salt: threatened not to have sex with you??

Tol: yeah

Old man: hello yes I was talking

Vivi’s dad: guys you’re gonna love this listen to the old man

Mother: pls no…

Old Man: okay so as you guys might know our own sehun recently joined the football team and joon being joon had to visit to see how sehun was doing

Mother: pls hyung ill do anything

Dae: I’ll do anything+2 if you tell

Mother: was i a bad mother for you jongdae?

Dae: 1) u are not my real mum, 2) if minseok is interested enough to bring it up then it must be really good

Bunny: agreed

Dae: (´∀｀)♡

Mother: not you too my pure child!!!

Old man: AS I was saying joon came to our practice today. at the end he came up to us to complement sehun’s footwork and suddenly our team captain minho came towards us to talk (read: flirt) with joonmyeon

Old man: so there is this tall, masculine, handsome guy with his guns and a smile that could rival the sun and there is joon pale, panicked-looking with a mouth so wide open i think he still has drool on his shirt

Mother: the sweat was running down his arms  WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO???

Salt: half (read: all) the uni is in love with him. he is tall, tan, handsome and very sweet.

Vivi’s dad: tall, tan, handsome and very sweet… Sounds like your type, doesn’t it?

Salt:…

Angel:…

Old man: WILL YOU LET ME FINISH??

Old man: so minho starts flirting with joon and says “sehun didn’t tell me he has such a good-looking acquaintance. who are you?”

Mother: oh no… the end is near…

Old man: and our self-proclaimed genius and the straight-a student just says “i’m sehun’s mum” with the most SERIOUS EXPRESSION EVER

Angel: LMFAO

Dae: IM FREAKING DYING OJMFBVDHFNV

Bunny: ROFL

Ho: HFDBGSDFJGNSFDK

Old man: THE POOR BOY LOOKED SO DISTURBED AND CONFUSED . YOU COULD LITERALLY SEE HIM WONDER IF JOON WAS SANE JHSFBVHFG

Tol: THIS IS TOO GOOD

Tol: Ksoo just choked on his drink while reading this hjbjdfgn

Ho: i’m getting this entire story tattooed on my ass

Mother: …

Mother: mY OWN family

 

xxx

 

 

 

 

Ho: hair: blue

      dick: out

      nut: busted

Bunny: …

Old man: can someone explain this???

Angel: Chanyeol just dyed his hair blue

Tol: hair: still black

       dick: still out

       nut: still busted

Ho: （´ω｀♡%）

Tol: (‘∀’●)♡

Old man: romance is dead. They murdered her.

 

xxx

 

Vivi’s dad: who wants to see vivi’s new photos? 

**_Seen by all_ **

Vivi’s dad: I hate you all

 

xxx

 

Angel: he looked so good today I… that hair those eyes those lips!!!! damn I just want to cuddle him to death and cook for him, and pinch his cheeks and take him to family vacations and raise dogs with him!!!! He makes my heart go ?!?!?!?! I’M GONNA DIE SEHUNNIE

Mother: you are so pure none of us is worthy omg..

Angel: Oh Joonmyeon… i meant to send this to Sehun. Sorry must have mixed the chats.

Mother: i'm sure he’ll see this soon

AngeL: …Yeah after I send it to him

Dae: not the sharpest tool in the shed are we?

Angel: ?

Angel: !!!!!

Vivi’s dad: and at 10 o’clock we have local man write a sappy message about his crush in a groupchat where his said crush can see it and not realize it for 2 solid minutes

Old man: my fav show

Old man: jongin, u alive? Also @salt why are you not saying anything?

Salt: im usually quiet as you guys might have noticed

Salt: so... you have a crush, Jongin?

Tol: THE MOMENT WE ALL HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR

Ho: THE WAIT IS OVER

Angel: yeah

Salt: oh…

Salt: good for you

Bunny: this is tragic. Im so sad

Dae: U DUMBASSES MADE MY PRECIOUS BABY CRY ILL END YOUR OBLIVIOUS ASSES JUST WAIT

Dae: @bunny they are young and stupid forget them. Wanna cuddle? Or bang and then cuddle?

Vivi’s dad: eW

Bunny: sounds good!!!

 

xxx

 

**_Private chat with dks and osh_ **

Angry mom: so… who’s jongin’s crush?

Huge son: sorry, but it’s not my secret to tell

Angry mom: you’re right. sorry for asking

Huge son: (－ｏ⌒)

  
xxx

 

Bunny: How is the prettiest boy in the world? @dae

Dae: I don’t know. You tell me (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

Mother: ugh

Vivi’s dad: ugh

Old man: ugh

Ho: ugh with a dash of cute

Tol: ugh

Salt: ugh

Angel: I love you guys both but pls get a room and leave us be

Dae: are you still salty about the tall dude?

Salt: who made Jongin sad?

Vivi’s dad: *softly but with a lot of feeling* whipped

Ho: there was this tall guy flirting with his crush today and he is still pissed about it

Salt: oh

Tol: btw on completely unrelated note who was that TALL guy talking to you today?

Salt: Kris? He’s a transfer student. I was just showing him around

Ho: He is VERY TALL isn’t he?

Salt: yeah sure. had to look up the entire time. my neck is kinda sore.

Bunny:…

Old man:…

Old man: you really don’t see where is this going?

Salt: Oh!!!!!

Mother: FINALLY I CAN REST

Salt: Kris is the guy flirting with jonginie’s crush!

Bunny: *facepalm

Dae: *facepalm

Old man: *facepalm

Mother: *dramatic facepalm

Tol: *facepalm

Ho: *facepalm

Angel: …

Vivi’s dad: I crave deaTH

Ho: @god are you seeing this???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i tried to make it funny but not sure if i managed to do so. hope it was bearable


	2. movie night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so u know these chat fic authors who are so good and attentive that they have different writing styles for each character so even without looking at the names u can guess who says what?? well im not one of them.  
> More importantly: xiuho are accounting majors and they graduated a year ago, suho works in an office, minseok in a restaurant, xing is also from their year. he now teaches kids how to dance, baekyeoldae +ksoo are 4th years. ksoo is a cooking major(is it even a thing idk) the rest study music. sekai are 3rd years and they help out yixing in his work (also dance majors)

Old man: u guys coming today right?

Vivi’s dad: sure

Angel: yeah

Mother: of course

Bunny: yes

Tol: of course. friday movie nights are the best. ksoo and I will bring snacks

Ho: and ill bring my good looks

Old man: don’t bother coming with smth cheap as that

Vivi’s dad: SAVAGE

Dae: cold blooded murder…

Ho:………

Ho: i…i…

Dae: as much as I love seeing baekho destroyed but I can’t come tonight sorry mini

Old man: got plans?

Dae: unfortunately. i might or might not have forgotten to turn in an assignment for 3 weeks now so my lecturer, being charmed by my handsomeness and my voice, gave my lazy ass a second chance

Dae: I have to finish it before midnight

Salt: you can bring it here and we’ll help you

Mother: yes!!!! If we all work together we’ll finish it soon and then watch the movie!!!! It’ll be fun

Dae: it’s a 20 page report on why accents disappear while singing

Mother: you are on your own

Salt: nvm

Dae: left to die by my own family…

Mother: should have studied sooner

Dae: have a bf who looks half as attractive as Yixing and then we’ll talk

Mother: you might have a point there

Tol: btw guys what are we gonna watch?

Angel: let’s watch a rom-com!!! Or maybe films about dogs!!!

Mother: my child…

Old man: too good for this world too pure

Vivi’s dad: must be protected at all costs!!!!

Mother: let’s watch a documentary!!! They are fun

Ho: im seconds away from disowning u as my friend don’t push it

Dae: and suddenly im glad im not coming

Bunny: Disney classics!!!

Bunny: or ghibli fimls!!!

Salt: that sounds great but you know what sounds better??? Watching a horror film

Angel: you like horror films kyungsoo?

Salt: I don’t but I know someone who is terrified of them

Ho: IS THIS BECAUSE OF THE ICING????? IM SORRY!!! PLEASE DON’T DO THIS TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Bunny: what did you do baekie?

Ho: NOTHING BAD. I WAS JUST HUNGRY AND ATE SMTH AND NOW KYUNGSOO IS PUNISHING ME

Mother: 1) stop screaming its 1am, 2) soo what did this dumbass do?

Salt: I spent the whole damn day to make the perfect icing for one of my cakes. I didn’t want to leave it at uni b/c someone would definitely eat it and brought it home. And this dumbass just ate it

Bunny: you can’t just eat someone’s hard work baekie!!!! It’s not nice!!!

Ho: IM SORRY. I DIDN’T KNOW. JUST DON’T MAKE ME WATCH A HORROR FILM.

Old man: so who has a vendetta on Baekhyun and wants to see him suffer for 2 hours??

Mother: me

Salt: ME

Vivi’s dad: it’s gonna be so much fun lol. Me

Angel: me

Tol: pls don’t he won’t be able to sleep

Dae: your problem not ours. ME

Ho: YOU AREN’T EVEN COMING YOU CAN’T VOTE

Dae: my other half is there so I can vote. He likes you too much to vote against you

Bunny: he is right I can’t do that to baekie!!!

Ho: my only friend!!!

Dae: xing remember how last week baek ate all the candy your mum sent from china?

Ho:…

Bunny: so… Which horror film are we watching?

Ho:…

Ho:  hello darkness my old friend

 

xxx

 

_**Private chat with chanie and baek** _

 

Baek: I can’t believe literally all my friends just told me to choke and die

Chanie: i love you but like they do have a point. Stop eating their food without asking

Baek: you do that too!!!

Chanie: id never eat ksoo’s food without asking. i don’t want to die lol

Baek: fine…

Baek: but you’re gonna cuddle me all through the film

Chanie: with pleasure!!!

Baek: and kiss me at the scary parts!!!!

Chanie: more than happy to do so

Baek: awwwww <3

Chanie: i know im an amazing boyfriend <3

Baek: id roll my eyes but I love your confidence its smexy

Chanie: pls stop

 

 xxx

 

Bunny: @dae WHERE ARE YOU???

Bunny: YOU GOTTA SEE (HEAR) THIS

Old man: @dae @dae @dae @dae @dae

Dae: there’s better be an alien invasion or something I just started to make sense of this paper

Mohter: WHO NEEDS GRADES WHEN THIS IS HAPPENING

Dae: okay now im really alarmed what is going on

Bunny: so remember how we were supposed to meet for a movie night today and you couldn’t come and I was sad but still agreed to go

Dae: yes love it happened yesterday

Bunny: right so we started watching a very scary film. Its about a ghost who kills people for camping on his remains. Who would have thought that being in nature can be so scary. Gives you food for thoughts

Dae: Yixing pls I love it when u tease me but in the bedroom not here. Just tell me what happened

Vivi’s dad: you guys are gross

Vivi’s dad: I’ll tell u

Vivi’s dad: so the movie started. Chan and Baek are sitting on the floor, Minseok is on the armchair, Joon is sitting on the floor leaning on the armchair, Yixing, Jongin, ksoo and me are on the sofa in this order.

Old man: we are only 20 mins in the film and baek already screamed 30 times. Once he screamed when the girl in the film looked down to look at her slippers lol

Ho: pls… focuse

Dae: hdvfshgbdfjgbfyhbfjgkn you’re never living this down baek but lets get back to what u were saying @viv’s dad

Vivi’s dad: ok so here we are munching popcorn and watching a film, when I feel ksoo completely freeze beside me. I thought maybe the scene scared him which was kind of weird so guess what I see when I turn my head around

Dae: WHAT

Old man: JONGIN IS SLEEPING WITH HIS HEAD ON KYUNGSOO’S SHOULDER

Dae:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Dae: OH MY GOD

Dae: FORGET MY PAPER WHO NEEDS A DIPLOMA ANYWAYS TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON

Bunny: at this point all of us (besides chanyeol and baek) have long forgotten the film and are watching these two lovebirds

Old man: the dumbasses are so scared they are hugging tightly and can’t stop watching the film lol

Dae: jshbfhdjfgdjfgndjk they are really the dumb and dumber but back to the children

Vivi’s dad: you’re gonna love this. When he froze and I turned to look at him he also turned his head to look who was on his shoulder (not that he didn’t know just wanted to be sure) and he just GASPED SO LOUDLY. I SWEAR HE WASN’T BREATHING FOR LIKE 5 SECONDS!!! AND THEN I SAW HIM BARELY WHISPER “oh my god” WITH THE MOST AWESTRUCK WHIPPED VOICE YOU CAN’T IMAGINE

Dae: HOLY SHIT GUYS THIS IS THE PUREST THING. LOVE IS REAL Y’ALL

Mother: THEY ARE SO CUTE IM BARELY KEEPING MY SQUEALS TO MYSELF

Old man: he really is lol. He has a pillow on his face

Mother: don’t try to sound chill you are smiling with the biggest most adoring smile I’ve seen and I’ve known you for 5 years now

Old man: ok but they are adorable im not that cold

Vivi’s dad: grandpas chill. We have more important matters at hand.

Dae: GUYS TAKE A PHOTO OF THEM PLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Bunny: We can’t :(

Dae: why?

Bunny: we have the lights off and if we use a flashlight kyungsoo would kill us

 Dae: fine :(

Mother: but if u wanna know how they look rn just imagine ksoo with the biggest eyes you can. No bigger BIGGER remember his eyes when he got a brainfreeze???? BIGGER THAN THAT!!! HIS EYES ARE SO BIG IM SCARED THEY ARE GONNA POP OFF

Mother: also his tummy is rising and falling so quickly.  Im surprised we haven’t heard his heartbeat yet

Vivi’s dad: iusdghuifdnguiftghjfkndg

Bunny: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Dae: HWTA IS IT

Vivi’s dad: KYUNGSOO MY MAN

Dae: EXPLAIN

Bunny: JONIGNS HANDS ARE CLASPED ON HIS LEGS RIGHT??? SO KSOO AFTER STARING AT THE WALL FOR 5 MINUTES FINALLY MOVED AND HE IS TENTATIVELY REACHING HIS HAND TO HOLD JONGIN’S!

BUNNY: HIS HANDS ARE SHACKNIG IM DYING

Mother: THIS IS THE BIGGETS DAY OF MY LIFE

Old man: if he really does it ill cry

Vivi’s dad: SAME

Dae: DID HE HOLD IT OR NOT GUYS IM DYING HERE TELL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Vivi’s dad: THERE IS LIKE AN INCH DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THEIR HANDS ITS REALLY HAPPENING Y”ALL

Dae: ????????

Old man: so…. Life is pointless

Mother: there is no light

Vivi’s dad: I don’t want to live anymore whats the point

Bunny: love isn’t real im sorry jongdae but it’s the truth

Dae: WHAT HAPPENED GUYS

Vivi’s dad: just as ksoo was going to finally touch his hand Jongin FUCKING STIRRED and ksoo pulled away

Old man: he just clockblocked himself can you believe this

Dae: ………

Dae: Yixing you were right love really isn’t real

Dae: im so sad

Dae: life is garbage

Mother: tell me about it

 

*an hour later*

 

Tol: WHAT THE HELL GUYS WHY YOU DIDN’T TELL US

Ho: YOU ARE ALL CANCELED WHY U DIDN’T TELL US TO TURN AROUND

Old man: u guys seemed to like the film too much to distract you

Ho: MINSEOK

Tol: we all suffer serious cases of blue balls bc of them like talk about being dumb

Mother: they really outdumbed u. its astonishing

Tol: WHY ARE YOU COMING AFTER ME JOONMYEON I DID NOTHING WRONG SAVE YOUR SAVAGNESS FOR KSOO

Old man : lol

Dae: guys I have a question. we were discussing this very disappointing event in our group chat don’t you think they’ll see it?? If jongin sees it ksoo will kill us. If ksoo sees this he’ll still kill us

Bunny: dae don’t worry. have you met our friends?

Mother: ksoo doesn’t care enough to read 30+ messages

Tol: what about jongin?

Bunny: I have a plan

Bunny: @dae remember the thing we did two days ago involving lots of chocolate and a blindfold?

Dae: oooooooooooooooooh how could I ever forget ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Mother: I need to bleach my eyes asap

Vivi’s dad: pls…

Bunny: Wanna do it again??? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Dae: just tell me when and where ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Old man: the day just keeps getting worse and worse

 

xxx

 

Angel: guys what did you even discuss???

Angel: my phone blew up the minute i turned on wifi

Mother: nothing serious Jongin don’t worry about it

Angel: I read some messages and …

Mother:????

Angel: although i really love you @bunny @dae please never I repeat NEVER discuss your sex life here please and thank you

Bunny: I told u it’d work

Angel: ???

Bunny: don’t worry about it jonginie. Go rest we have a big day tomorrow

Angel: Ok hyung. Goodnight

Vivi’s dad: yixing not goona lie im impressed

Bunny: i have many hidden talents

Dae: i know ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

Vivi’s dad: aaaaaaaaaand its my cue to leave. Goodnight nasties

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not gonna lie im super proud of this. i might write a few chapters more today stay tuned


	3. blonddae

Bunny: GUYS!!!11

Bunny: CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS

Bunny: ON THIS VERY DAY GOD CREATED A BEAUTY THAT NO HUMAN EYE CAN COMPREHEND

Bunny: WE ENTER A NEW ERA OF LIGHT BEAUTY AND PURITY

Bunny: FORGET EVERYTHING YOU KNEW THIS IS THE NEW WORLD EMBRACE IT LOVE IT ACCEPT IT

Vivi’s dad: are you ok???

Bunny: do I fucking look okay to you?

Mother: omg… yixing is swearing. what happened???

Salt: you are worrying us

Bunny: GET READY TO ENTER A NEW CHAPTER IN YOUR LIFE

Bunny: 

Bunny: HE SNATCHED MY WHOLE LIFE. THE WORLD IS SHOOK.

Bunny: CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS IS THE GUY I CAN ACTUALLY TOUCH AND KISS AND LOVE??? IM UNWORTHY!!!!!!!!!!!

Old man: have to admit jd looks good

Bunny: LOOKS GOOD MY ASS. HE LOOKS DROP DEAD GORGEOUS

Bunny: HE IS THE MOST PERFECT CREATURE TO WALK THIS SINFUL EARTH. WE AREN’T WORTHY. HE IS THE VISUAL OF THE UNIVERSE. THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE, MY MOON AND STARS.

Bunny: I just cried and thanked every god out there who made our paths cross. And to think this gorgeous being is in love with me… I’m so lucky

Dae: IM THE LUCKY ONE!!!! <3

Bunny: (●♡∀♡)

Vivi’s dad: whipped lol

Mother: this noodle is sitting right next to me and lying his ass off. when he read the messages he clenched his heart and said ‘they are so cute. when will I ever…”

Old man: EXPOSED

Vivi’s dad: joONMYEON

Bunny: SEHUNNIE!!!! YOU’LL DEFINITELY FIND SOMEONE WHO’LL LOVE YOU JUST AS MUCH AS I LOVE JONGDAE. JUST WAIT FOR A BIT IM SURE THEY ARE AROUND. THEY WILL LOVE YOU HEART AND SOUL JUST WAIT

Mother: he is wiping his tears now

Vivi’s dad: Joonmyeon?

Mother: yes?

Vivi’s dad: get out of my dorm

 

xxx

 

**_Private chat with kji and osh_ **

Kji: look at this

Kji: **[photo attached]**

Kji: :((((((((

Osh: omg Jongin you cant just take photos of your crush without asking!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW CREEPY THAT IS??

Kji: dude im in pain leave me be

Osh: *sigh* is this about kris?

Kji: ofc its about him. he follows kyungsoo EVERYWHERE. Its so frustrating

Osj: 1) u do that too, 2) he is new maybe he only knows ksoo

Kji: No way. He has 3 other friends but he always makes them scatter when he sees ksoo

Osh: and how do you know that???

Kji: well…

Osh: JONGIN YOU CANT STALK PEOPLE WHAT IS WRONG WITH U

Kji: I KNOW but I need to know if I have a chance with kyungsoo

Osh: you DO have a chance just ask him out dummy

Kji: what if he rejects?

Osh:  you’ll cry on my shoulder and then move on

Kji: stalking sounds much better

Osh: KIM JONGIN

Kji: fine… ill think about it. just look at that pic. he looks so happy. do u think he prefers tall boy?

Osh: YOU are a tall boy

Kji: not tall enough. should I drink more milk? It’s yackie

Osh: omg u are a 4-year-old i swear

Osh:  maybe, and it’s just a very stupid hypothesis of mine, but what if he likes boys that actually flirt with him and ask him out??

Kji: im just very scared. give me some time

Osh: just make sure not to overthink it

Kji: I love u sehunnie

Osh: of course you do you overgrown manbaby

Osh: ly2

 

xxx

 

**_Group chat we are one_ **

Ho: so I just dropped my donut on the floor. Chanyeol took it, blew on it and then stood right in front of me, so the people passing by won’t see that im eating food that a few secs ago was on the ground

Ho: this is exactly the type of support I needed in a relationship

Tol: <3

Salt: baek, your eating habits and hygiene overall are disturbing

Ho: go be jealous somewhere else

Old man: this was so emotional im crying

Ho: not all of us can be cranky, bitter and single

Old man: Say your last words because you won’t be able to talk as soon as I get you.

Ho: … it was nice while it lasted

Ho: pls burry the box under my bad u know the one @tol

Ho: Chanyeol I loved you rmbr that

Ho: goodbye cruel world

 

xxx

 

 Vivi’s dad: hey @mother, how are you today?

Mother: you noticed??? Im so greatful to have a friend like you. I have been stressed for a week now and that’s so sweet of you to notice and care <3\. It started with me getting a serious order from my boss and I was supposed to finish it on Thursday. U know I love my job and I love accounting but its so stressing. If I make a single mistake they’d fire me. Also ive been thinking if I made the right choice. Like what if I choose music like chan or baek. Would I be happier? But at the same time accounting is more profitable and reliable. But I can’t really count on that like what if I get fired?? Then what was the point??? And what if by choosing music I earned more money?? The universe is so big and mysterious you never know what will happen in the future and it’s stressing me out you know…

Vivi’s dad: … that’s cool

Vivi’s dad: I just wanted to know if you could lend me your old notebook. Mine broke down

Mother:  one of these days you’d appreciate all the nights I spent by your cradle

Vivi’s dad: we met when we were like 5

Mother: ill forgive you. How can I not. You are my flesh and blood. Just know that you hurt your mum’s heart today.

Vivi’s dad: u know what just keep it ill ask ksoo

Mother: :)

 

xxx

 

Dae: ksoo is at our place rn and he has been smiling this whole evening

Dae: im so creeped out

Dae: he won’t even tell me what is he smiling about

Angel: is this because of kris?

Salt: what? No of course not

Salt: can’t I just smile for no reason?

Old man: sounds fake

Mother : ^

Vivi’s dad: ^^^

Ho: Chanyeol tripped and fell in the parking lot today

Old man: lmfao

Mother: hahahaha

Salt: @angel why did you even bring up kris?

Angel: no reason

Vivi’s dad: duuuuude

Angel: shut it noodleman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no idea where this is going


	4. cheesy boyfriends and supportive friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> baby<3 is yixing, love is jondgae  
> tickle monster is chanyeol  
> one punch soo is ksoo (you cant imagine how proud of myself im right now)

**_Private chat with baby <3 and love_ **

Baby<3: dae baby i can’t find my red hoodie anywhere. have you seen it?

Love: … I might have…

Baby<3: ok ill try a different approach; are you wearing my red hoodie?

Love: yeah

Baby<3: babeeeeee I need to pack it!!! i won’t have the time tomorrow. we’ll go right after practice.

Love: can’t you take a different one?

Baby<3: why? why do I get the feeling you have spilt something on it?

Love: *dramatic gasp* how could you!!!

Baby<3: then what’s the matter?

Love: it smells like you. I need it to survive your absence...

Baby<3: omg baby ill be back in two days. It’s just a junior dance competition. We’ll head back on Sunday evening

Love: But I’ll miss you so much!!!

Baby<3: I’ll miss you more!!!!

Love: I’ll miss you most!!!

Baby<3: I’ll miss you most+infinity

Baby <3: I win

Love: thats very mature of u

Baby <3: thats very cute of me and u damn well know it

Love: I love you so much u freaking nerd

Baby<3: i love you too with all my heart. you are the best thing to happen to me

Love: where are you?

Baby<3: on my why home. why?

Love: I’LL SMOOCH YOUR PRETTY FACE OFF

Baby<3: will be there in 10

Love: make it 5 and you’ll get extra tight cuddles

Baby<3: <3

 

xxx

 

**_Group chat we are one_ **

Bunny: @angel @vivi’s dad are you guys ready?

Angel: yeah I just finished packing

Vivi’s dad: me too

Tol: u guys going somewhere?

Bunny: my kids are participating in a junior dance competition and since sehun and Jongin also helped, they are coming with us

Salt: will you be gone long?

Vivi’s dad: kyungsoo…asking a question… about a thing not directly concerning him… shady

Salt: nvm don’t care

Mother: awwwwwww you hurt kyungies feelings. That’s not nice

Vivi’s dad: im not nice

Angel: ALRIGHT MISTER EDGELORD CHILL. We are only going for the weekend. We’ll be back on Sunday.

Salt: good luck :)

Angel: gvagdvadgc

Angel: I mean thanks

Bunny: awwwwww

Old man: awwwwww

Mother: awwwww

Vivi’s dad: awwwww

Tol: awwwww

Salt: chill

 

xxx

 

**_Private chat with Kji and Osh_ **

Kji: HE FUCKING USED AN EMOTICON

Kji: WHEN HAVE YOU EVER SEEN HIM USE AN EMOTICON

Osh: … should I say it or you already know?

Kji: I know I know whipped

 

 xxx

 

Old man: GUYS YOU CANT IMAGINE WHO ASKED ABOUT WHO TODAY

Ho: spill it. With Yixing gone, im so bored and sad

Dae: *aggressively ignores*

Old man: is @tol dead?

Tol: alive but only ironically

Old man: okay so nothing new. Back to my story. MINHO JUST CAME BY OUR RESTAURANT AND WHEN HE SAW ME HE ASKED HOW WAS MY ATTRACTIVE WEIRD FRIEND???

Tol: OMG @mother @mother @mother

Ho: JOONMYEON WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU THIS IS THE MOST EXCITING THING TO HAPPEN TO ME AFTER YIXINGS DEPARTURE

Dae: one of these days ill just deck you

Ho: my bf would protect me wouldn’t you @tol

Tol: like a knight in shining armor

Ho: awww

Old man: EXCUSE ME BUT THIS IS A JOONHO MOMENT

Mother: WHAT THE HELL GUYS. STOP BLOWING UP MY PHONE MY BOSS WOULD KICK MY ASS IF HE SEES IM SULKING OFF

Old man: just read the messages

Mother: Holy shit

Mother: wait no its wasn’t dramatic enough

Mother: HOLY SHIT1111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mother: REALLY? HE REALLY CALLED ME AN ATTRACTIVE WEIRD GUY??? THIS IS THE BEST THING IVE BEEN CALLED

Mother: he LIKED ME??? AFTER ALL THAT??

Old man: I am just as surprised as you are dude

Dae: what did you do mini?

Old man: I said that he was alright and that he wasn’t that weird just a bit awkward and has stupid sense of humor

Mother: MY HERO MY SAVIOUR ILL BUY YOU ANYTHING WHAT DO YOU WANT

Old man: money… a significant other… will to live…

Mother: I can offer you one(1) pizza. How’s that?

Old man: close enough

Vivi’s dad: THEN YOU SHOULD GIVE ME A PRESENT TOO HE IS MY CAPTAIN

Mother: I’ll give you the crust of the pizza which Minseok wouldn’t eat

Vivi’s dad: WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS TO ME???

Mother: IT’S BECAUSE OF YOU THAT I EMBARRASSED MYSELF

Vivi’s dad: IT’S NOT MY FAULT YOU HAVE A WEIRD MUM FETISH

Mother: gvsdhufbsfjg  I DON’T

Dae: your user name is mother…

Ho: you like it when we call you mum…

Tol: you like buying stuff for us…

Salt: you refer to yourself as a mother…

Old man: all your fictional crushes are mums…

Mother: I DO NOT HAVE A MUM FETISH111!!!!!!!!!!!

Ho: sure jan

Mother: STOP THIS SLANDER

 

xxx

 

**_Private chat with tickle monster and one punch soo_ **

Tickle monster: SOO

One punch soo: what

Tickle monster: baek is sleeping on my thigh and I just love him so much???

One punch soo: are you just realizing that??

Tickle monster: NO! I mean ive loved him since high school but the thing is sometimes I just look at him and then it hits me just how much I love him

Tickle monster: I’d do anything for him. He doesn’t even have to ask.

Tickle monster: I just… I just LOVE him so much

Tickle monster: he is so handsome??? His eyes, his nose, his lips all of it is so pretty. And his hands!!!! They are a work of art is2g

Tickle monster: and he is so funny??? Like im a funny person but he is funnier. Everyone always falls for him. Even when im sad he manages to make me smile

Tickle monster: also he is such a nice person?? He always encourages everyone and takes care of them. You know the reason he is so close to Yixing is because when Yixing came no one talked to him?

Tickle monster: after that he became super protective of Yixing and its one of the reasons I love him so much.

Tickle monster: also the fact that he is usually hyperactive and loud but with me he is the softest nicest chilliest boys ever (I mean if we aren’t playing lol and he is majorly losing, then he is anything but chill)

Tickle monster: I really really love him

One punch soo: i really hate to sound like sehun but

One punch soo: whipped

Tickle monster: I accept it. Still im very happy. I just hope you’ll get to be that happy

One punch soo: it’s complicated

Tickle monster: you are making it like that. Seize the day and confess. Live in the moment!! We aren’t getting any younger soo

One punch soo: I don’t want to ruin what we have

Tickle monster: so you’re gonna suffer until he finds someone else? Or confesses first?

One punch soo: the first one is more possible

Tickle monster: hey don’t say that!!! You are smart, thoughtful, caring, sweet, talented and you can cook??? Who’d pass up an opportunity like this??? YOU ARE A CATCH SOO

One punch soo: thanks yeollie

Tickle monster: soo, just please don’t underestimate yourself and try to confess

Tickle monster: im positive he’d agree to date you!!!

One punch soo: ill think about it

Tickle monster: also if u ever feel like talking just write to me. I know u hate sharing ur personal stuff but u can count on me. U know I can keep a secret. Just write to me if u need an advice or anything

One punch soo: thx yeol. Really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this will be like 10 chs long at best


	5. the winning team

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its short and doesnt make much sense enjoy

**_Group chat we are one_ **

Vivi’s dad: guess WHAT BITCHES

Angel: WE WON

Vivi’s dad: not only we won but WE CRASHED THE OTHER KIDS LIKE TINY GRAPES

Bunny: WE DID NOT CRASH NO KIDS

Old man: lol we know Yixing congrats

Mother: CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!

Tol: I knew you could do that cngrts!!!!

Ho: that’s my Yixing right there never disappoints

Dae: I knew you guys would win you’ve been working your asses off for 2 months now

Vivi’s dad:

Vivi’s dad: Yixing: I love all my kids equally

Vivi’s dad: also Yixing: *shields renjun and chenle like a mama hen

Bunny: BUT THEY ARE SO TINY I FEEL LIKE I MUST PROTECT THEM FROM EVERYTHING

Old man: pure

Salt: why aren’t you guys on the photo too?

Mother: wanted to see someone special there???

Salt: yeah your non-existent sense of humor

Old man: that’s cold

Dae: DAMN

Ho: murder on this fine Sunday at 12 am

Angel: sehun and i were a bit busy, so only yixing went up the stage with the boys

Bunny: busy crying his eyes out lol

Angel: YIXING

Vivi’s dad: lol

Bunny: big coming from the guy who took like 20 photos b/c his hands kept shaking

Tol: ROLF

Ho: EXPOSED

Vivi’s dad: YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THE NICE ONE

Bunny:  lol

Bunny: when the announcer announced the winner these two hugged each other and wept for like 5 mins

Bunny: even the kids waited until we exited the stage and they are like 12

Angel:…

Angel: my reputation - gone but not forgotten

Vivi’s dad: FINE IF U WANT TO PLAY LETS PLAY

Vivi’s dad: @dae do u know there was a very hot guy flirting with yixing non-stop?

Vivi’s dad: and he wasn’t just no one HE WAS ONE OF THE JURIES

Vivi’s dad: he kept asking xing out no matter how many times he rejected

Vivi’s dad: and when he said he has a bf the dude said smth like u weren’t there were u with the most embarrassing half-assed wink

Vivi's dad: at the end of the competition i saw him hand his number to yixing and yixing winking at him

Dae: what did u say xing?

Bunny: he gave me his number and I just said ‘ill call u once ill lower my standards enough’

Dae: LMFO

Dae: MY BF THE SAVAGEST OF THEM ALL

Ho: HGFDY7ERBFNHJD

Tol: THE CURVE OF THE CENTURY 

Old man: lol

Vivi’s dad: ….where is the drama? The tears??? The break up?

Dae: in ur dreams noodle

Vivi’s dad: whats up with all of u calling me noodle

Mother: r u saying you don’t look like a genetically modified noodle???

Vivi’s dad:… I hate every single one of you

Vivi’s dad: not joking

Vivi’s dad: bye

Old man: bye bye noodle

Vivi’s dad: WIAT GAYS I JUST RMBRED SMTH ELSE U GOTTA HERA THIS

Mother: I smell tea

Vivi’s dad: u damn right do!!!!

Vivi’s dad: a certain someone bought a present for a certain someone

Mother: omg!!!! Jongin what did you buy????

Angel: why do u think its me??

Mother: sehun loves embarrassing and/or annoying u??

Angel: ah… makes sense

Ho: don’t avoid the question I NEED TO KNOW

Angel: its really nothing special

Dae: Jongin!!!!

Angel: fine

Angel:

Angel: I just thought it looks like kyungsoo

Mother: JDNDHUGNGJFM

Bo: IT REALLY DOES I CANT UNSEE

Tol: OMG KYUNGSOO WHERE DID U GET THAT APRON DUH IT LOOKS GOOD

Dae: I really want to make fun of you guys but this is too cute I cant

Salt: why would u buy smth that looks like me???

Angel: to give it to u???

Salt:… wait… its for me???

Angel: yeah

Salt: oh

Salt: I love it! Its very cute!

Angel: of course after all it looks like u

Dae: *softly but with a lot of feeling* omg

Old man: mark the day boys

Mother: believe it or not but im crying

Ho: don’t worry we believe u and for once u aren’t alone

Tol: a life-changing experience

Bunny: im so proud of you @angel <3

Vivi’s dad: fINALLY

 

xxx

 

  ** _Private chat with tickle monster and one punch soo_**

One punch soo: CHANYEIRKLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Tickle monster: yes?

One punch soo: HE BOUGHT IT FOR ME

One punch soo: HE BOUGHT A PRESENT FOR MME

One punch soo: JUST BC HE FELT LIKE IT

One punch soo: AND HE INDIRECTLY CALLED ME CUTE WHAT DO I DO

Tickle monster: damn I never saw u worked up like this

Tickle monster: just enjoy it

Tickle monster: even better FLIRT BACK

One punch soo: what??? NO

One punch soo: he was just being nice u know him

One punch soo: he didn’t mean it like that

Tickle monster: istg u make me rip off the last few hair I still have

Tickle monster: WHY R U LIKE THIS

 

xxx

**_Private chat with kji and osh_ **

Kji: OMG SEHUN WHAT DID I DO

Osh: the right thing my friend the right thing


	6. the beginning

**_Group chat we are one_ **

Old man: beauty is truly the most dangerous weapon in the world

Tol: what happened???

Old man: joon saw minho across the street when exiting our restaurant and walked straight into the glass door

Tol: LMFAO

Ho: HGDHBEFJKNEFKJ

Vivi’s dad: WHY DOES IT NEVER HAPPEN WHEN IM AROUND

Angel: hyung….

Mother: SHUT IT

 

xxx

 

Vivi’s dad: guys I have a question

Vivi’s dad: how did u all become friends?

Vivi’s dad: jongin and i were dance buddies and joonmyeon and i were neighbors but how all of you came around?

Mother: why are u asking?

Vivi’s dad: 50% curious 50% bored

Mother: ok so as u know Minseok and I were accounting majors so we bonded over hours of cramming and crying

Mother: although yixing was our age but we became friends with him thanks to baek

Vivi’s dad: this leads to a much more interesting question: why are baekxing obsessed with each other?

Vivi’s dad: @ho explain pls

Angel: im curious too btw

Ho: gather around kids your grandpa is about to tell you a most touching love story

Ho: so yixing as u all know is mad talented so when one of ur profs saw him dancing in china asked him to join our uni’s dance crew

Ho: Yixing was hesitant since he didn’t know any Korean but he was ambitious so he agreed and spent the summer learning Korean

Ho: he managed to learn only the basics and used to have a very thick accent so naturally your immature upperclassmen begun making fun of him repeating his words, laughing etc etc

Vivi’s dad: TELL ME NAMES IM READY TO FIGHT

Angel: ME TOO HOW DARE THEY

Dae: easy there children it has been taken care of

Ho: after a week of being ridiculed yixing just stopped talking to people

Ho: thought maybe then theyd stop laughing at him

Ho: and ofc the same immature jerks thought Yixing was arrogant that’s why he wasn’t talking to anyone. imagine being that dense

Tol: then baek basically annoyed Yixing into talking to him

Dae: he used to go watch yixings dance practices and always hype him up

Tol: then hed ask him million questions and not leave until Yixing answered at least one of them

Ho: I JUST FELT BAD SEEING HIM EAT ALONE IN THE CANTEEN

Vivi’s dad: hate to say this but wow u are actually a nice person who would’ve thought

Angel: jongdae why weren’t you the one helping Yixing out?

Dae:…. I kinda hated him at that time

Vivi’s dad:  *dramatic gasp

Angel: *same

Dae: before u start accusing me imagine what u would feel if that gorgeous hot talented boy totally ignored u

Dae: although after some time baek managed to make him eat with us he never spoke to me and chan. he just ate quietly and went to his class. of course I was annoyed

Dae: also there was this other thing

Dae: he was kind of a playboy

Vivi’s dad: HE WAS A WHAT NOW

Angel: ARE U KIDDING ME???

Old man: this is new for me too tbh

Salt: ^

Dae: im NOT saying he slept around he just looked like he did

Dae: the thing was he was very extremely hot and the people who unlike his jerk groupmates talked to him, they usually flirted

Dae: and Yixing being his libra ass just had to flirt back with 0 meaning behind it

Dae: so seeing it from the distance really angered me

Dae: but it all changed in one spring afternoon

Vivi’s dad: oh I can already smell cheese

Dae: if u don’t want to hear it I wont tell

Vivi’s dad: ignore me continue

Dae: that’s better

Dae: that wonderful amazing afternoon I went to my fav coffee shop to get coffee and those blueberry muffins they made. Now that shop isn’t working anymore so u kids don’t know but those muffins were created by god himself

Salt: can confirm I nearly begged the cook to give me the recipe

Dae:  i bought the last one left (they sold out very quickly) and was just getting my coffee when Yixing run into the coffee shop asking if they had those muffins

Dae: it was his very sad and very disappointed face and the bones picking through his skin that made me offer him to share it

Dae: he looked so puzzled for a few secs before i saw the most blinding beautiful smile ive ever seen

Mother: u guys are really the cutest

Angel: omg!!!!!!!!!

Dae: and when we were sharing it he told me that he was on a diet and only let himself eat those muffins once a week. Then he just started to tell me about the new dance and even showed me the video he took

Dae: he just looked so excited and cute I felt like I was hit by a hummer right in my chest

Dae: I just looked at his face and I knew I loved him

Tol:AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Ho: why are u screaming

Tol: BECAUSE ITS CUTE AS FUCK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Vivi’s dad: jongdae remember the times I called u 2 nasties?? forget it u really are the cutest couple

Angel: OMGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Angel: @tol @ho how did u two become a thing?

Ho: he asked me out and i said yes

Angel: …

Vivi’s dad: wow

Ho: it did involve serenading me in the middle of the night and bringing me flowers

Old man: not as romantic but that will do

 

 xxx

 

_**Group chat with bbh, pcy, kji, kms, kjm, zyx, kjd** _

**_Group name changed to fresh hot gossip by yours truly_ **

Minseok: why did u make this?

Sehun: so we can discuss jongin and ksoo behind their backs

Sehun: ALSO because baek and i might have been following them around the last half an hour

Joonmyeon: WHAT IS WRONG WITH U TWO

Minseok: at least tell us is it worth it

Sehun: it damn right is!!!!!!!!

Baek: they met after classes and jongin finally handed the penguin doll to ksoo

Sehun: he was smiling so big!!!!

Baek: he really was!!!!!!! And when their hands brushed bth of them turned red

Yixing: oh my god???

Sehun: Jongin asked if he wanted to walk around and ksoo said yes

Sehun: so that’s what we have been doing

Minseok: u guys are weird

Baek: says the man who is impatiently waiting for our update

Minseok: then give us one

Baek: nothing serious is going on they r just walking and talking we cant really hear

Sehun: we must get closer

 

*a minute later*

 

Sehun: JGUIFSDBFSDN

Dae: WHAT? DID THEY HOLD HANDS?? KISS?? CONFESS? WHAT??

Baek: a huge husky just run onto jonging and is currently licking his hands

Sehun: why are u leaving out the best part?

Baek: oh _that_

Baek: the dog’s owner just came over to get his dog when he saw Jongin he double checked him

Joonmyeon: oooooh I sense drama

Minseok: *gets pop corn

Yixing: *joins Minseok and gets pop corn

Sehun: JKDHFUJDNGJDFBNKGJFBN

Sehun: THE DUDE JUST SAID ‘I WAS GOING TO SCOLD MY DOG FOR JUMPING ON A STRANGER BUT SEEING U I KINDA WANT TO DO IT TOO’

Chanyeol: SO BLANT OMG

Jooneyon: HOLY HSIT WHAT IS KSOO DOING///

Baek: HE IS JUST STANDING THERE

Baek: HE EVEN BACKED AWAY AS IF GIVING THEM SPACE TO FLIRT

Baek: THAT’S NOT HOW U GET A BOY KSOO

Sehun: the boy is currently apologizing and trying to look as good as he can while doing it

Sehun: which isn’t that hard bc he is fucking gorgeous

Baek: gotta agree with the noodle here

Minseok: WHY ISNT JONGIN SAYING HE IS WITH SOMEONE?? IS HE EVEN SAYING ANYTHING??

Baek: when the guy said that he just turned red and kinda ignored it saying he shouldn’t scold his dog bc  he loves dogs

Baek: now they are having a small talk about the difficulties of raising dogs

Sehun: ksoo is standing behind Jongin a few feet away and trying not to look as devastated as he feels

Sehun: this sucks

Yixing: WERE IS HE IM GONNA CUDDLE HIM

Baek: oh fuck

Minseok: what???

Baek: he jut left

Yixing: the boy?

Sehun: no, ksoo. said that he has a place to be and when jongin said he would come with him ksoo said he should stay and finish his conversation

Baek: he said this all while avoiding eye contact

Baek: I thought this would be fun

Bae: but here I am

Baek: getting even sadder

Joonmyeon: @sehun tell your idiotic friend to use his brain once in a while

Joonmyeon: ill go buy ksoo’s favourite cupcakes

Yixing: dae and i can give him cuddles!!

Joonmyeon: then come with me to his apartment

Minseok: I can beat up the other guy

Baek: sounds tempting but this isn’t really his fault

Baek: @sehun talk to Jongin, chan will talk with ksoo

 

 xxx

**_Private chat with Kji and Osh_ **

Osh: you really are the dumbest thing on earth

Kji: ??????

Osh: WHY DIDN’T U TELL THAT GUY U WERE WITH KSOO////

Kji: how do u even know????

Osh: that’s not important

Osh: what is important is that u are an idiot

Osh: DO U EVEN KNOW HOW HURT KYUNGSOO IS??

Kji: why would he be hurt??

Kji: I was just talking to a guy who has a dog

Osh: but the guy was FLIRTING

Kji: so??? Why would kyungsoo care??? Since when does he care about those things?

Osh: jongin not this again I beg u

Osh: just promise me not to flirt with people when u are with ksoo its just plain terrible

Kji: I seriously don’t get u

Osh: one day u will

Osh: hopefully

 

xxx

**_Private chat with Joon and Soo_ **

Joon: are u at home soo?

Soo: yeah why?

Joon: yixing dae and i want to visit

Soo: maybe some other time

Soo: I just don’t feel like talking to anyone right now

Joon: who says anything about talking?

Joon: we can just eat cupcakes and cuddle

Joon: hows that??

Soo: sounds good

 

 

 xxx

**_Private chat with Kji and Dks_ **

Kyungsoo: Jongin I love you

Kyungsoo: I have for a while now

Kyungsoo: I love everything that makes you who you are and I love being with you.

Kyungsoo: I just really love you.

Kyungsoo: So please if you feel like it too or simply aren’t too annoyed or bothered by my feelings, can you meet me in the café near our university?

Kyungsoo: Just… just please give me a chance. Give me a chance to make you happy.

Kyungsoo: Hope I’ll see you tomorrow. If you won’t come I’ll understand that too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first things first exo just gav ebirth to me on this fine summer day. the album was !!!!! i mean ill still cry over yixing absence but still. secondly the fan part of writing this chapter is that im gonna be very busy the next two days ))))


	7. The beginning pt 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay. this chapter is longer though

**_Group chat we are one_ **

Tol: its so HOT in here

Tol: IM DYING

Mother: itd would be a lot less hot if you didn’t wear a black hoodie when its 30C outside

Tol: but the aesthetic

Mother: but the weather

Tol: but the a e s t h e t I c

Mother:…

Mother: nvm continue to suffer u deserve it

Tol: :(

 

 xxx

 

Mother: ID KILL U FUCKERS

Mother: U ARE DEAD AS SOON AS I GET U DICKHEAD

Mother: DEAD U HEAR ME//////

Mother: IM GONNA TEAR APART UR LIMBS AND SHOVE THEM UP YOUR ASSES

Mother: DICKS

Old man: what did they do now?

Old man: and who did it?

Mother: SESHIT JONGDICK AND CHANFUCK TAPED ME TO MY CHAIR WHEN I WAS NAPPING

Mother: ILL PISS ON EVERYTHING THEY LOVE

Old man: lol

Mother: MINSEOK NOT YOU TOO

Mother: THEY JUST SABOTAGED MY AUTHORITY AS THE ELDER

Mohter: THEY WILL DO THE SAME TO YOU

Old man: id like to see them try lol

Old man: also since when do you have an authority?

Mpther: MINSEOK FOR FUCKS SAKE

Mother: JUST GET ME OUT OF HERE

Old man: i just got home there is no way im leaving it now

Old man: tell those brats to do it

Ho: LOL

Mother: SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR LOVER BC HE IS DEAD AS SOON AS I GET FREE

Ho: I just saw the photos and believe me itd be very hard to get free

Mother: they TOOK PHOTOS????

Dae: send the photos!!!!

Ho: your wish is my command

Ho: [photo attached]

Old man: this is WAY worse than I imagined

Old man: good luck joon

Dae: not too bad for amateurs

Mother: DO NONE OF YOU CARE THAT IM TAPED TO MY CHAIR AND CANT GET OUT???

Dae: u want an honest answer???

Mother: FAIN IG I DINT MATTWR TO U

Mother: I DPNT CSRE EITJER

Old man: are you crying???

Mother: fick off

Bunny: noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo joonie don’t cry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bunny: im coming to help you!!!!!!!

Bunny: im running!!! Ill be there in 2 mins

Bunny: 1.5 mis

Mother: I love you Yixing!!!

Ho: @dae dating an angel must be so demanding

Dae: *sigh* it really is but someone had to take the responsibility

Dae: btw this prank is mediocre I expected better of you @tol @vivi’s dad @angel

Tol: this was hilarious and you know it!!!!

Dae: it was pretty funny but like 4/10

Vivi’s dad: fine mister know-it-all what would you do?

Dae: id give joon to drink an expired apple juice and when hed ask me why it tasted weird id tell him it was my piss. Imagine his face!!!

Ho: hsabfsjdhbv

Ho: the best prankster of our faculty everyone

Vivi’s dad: I thought u guys were joking when you said Jongdae was a prankster

Vivi’s dad: he is so domestic now

Dae: before meeting Yixing I was the worst nightmare of both my groupmates and my lecturers

Ho: I still have nightmares from _that_ day

Vivi’s dad: I want to hear!!!

Dae: it wasn’t something that big. I just bought a remote controlled electronic mouse and had it chase baek for an hour

Vivi’s dad: ROFL

Ho: IT WASN’T FUNNY I NEARLY DIED

Old man: that’s why it so funny

Ho: dont you have somewhere to be like an elderly house?

Old man: baek remember what I did that one time when you picked up batty and throw her on my face??

Ho: ….

Ho: IM SORRY

Vivi’s dad: omg what did he do?

Old man: this ass said “think fast” and threw my cat on my face

Old man: and ill let you know that he now has a VERY reasonable fear of toilet plugs

Dae: HAHAHAHAHA

Ho: sTOP

Vivi’s dad: I know I don’t say this a lot but I really aspire to be the man you are Minseok

Old man:  of course you do

Vivi’s dad: why have i never seen jongdae prank anyone

Ho: Yixing doesn’t let him lol

Vivi’s dad: shgdvdshufnsdjg

Dae: IM AN INDEPENDENT STRONG-WILLED MAN WHO TAKES NO COMMANDS FROM HIS BF

Ho: but you stopped after he asked you didn’t you?

Dae: it wasn’t his asking per say

Dae: my last prank was very traumatic

Vivi’s dad: explain

Old man: I don’t think ive heard this either

Dae: *sigh* the things I will do and remember for you guys

Dae: so it has been a month since the muffin incident and I was head over heels for Yixing. however i always denied when baek asked me about it

Dae: bc he is a nosy bitch and I don’t trust him

Ho: IM NOT

Old man: yes you are go on dae

Ho: I’ll die and then you’d now.

Dae: Yixing was one of the few people from my friends that ive never pranked and of course baek knew this. He began teasing me that I had a crush that’s why I didn’t prank Yixing. And being the ‘come at me bro’ guy I was, I had to prank Yixing so I could make baek shut up

Dae: I didn’t do anything that would later sabotage my confession and settled for something really mild. When I was still living at baek’s house Yixing often visited us to hang out (he later told me that he just used that excuse to be around me <3). My prank was making him tea with slat. Lame I know but like I said I didn’t want him to hate me. So I gave it to him and when he took the first sip he raised his eyebrows but then shrugged and drunk the whole thing.

Dae: I asked him wasn’t the taste weird. And you know what he said?

Dae: “it was, but I didn’t want to hurt your feelings so I drunk all of it”

Old man: omg

Vivi’s dad: …

Dae: and I just begun crying because who even does that????!!!

Dae: so after that VERY mentally traumatic experience I swore to NEVER prank Yixing again

Dae: and later just stopped overall

Vivi’s dad: okay but what did Yixing do when he saw you crying?

Dae: what else he would do?? He told me that the tea was okay and it was his mouth that was weird. When I didn’t stop crying, he told me that he can teach me other types of tea so I can do better and that tea was not a good enough reason to cry; it was overrated anyways.

Old man: I though u were joking when u said its difficult to date an angel but I understand that now

Vivi’s dad: but what happeed next???

Dae: he dried my tears and we kissed for the first time

Vivi’s dad: ASDFFGHJKL

Dae: you know for someone who pretends to be sassy and detached you are very invested in our relationship

Vivi’s dad: I don’t pretend to be like that I AM like that

Vivi’s dad: its just I look up to you guys as a couple

Dae: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Vivi’s dad: chill

Old man: awwwww

Vivi’s dad: chill 0.2

 

xxx

 

Mother: [photo attached]

Mother: oh sweet sweet revenge

Dae: lmfao

Old man: how did u even do that?

Mother: in the wise words of abe lincoln sanbaenim divide to conquer

Mother: or it was someone else don’t know don’t care

Mother: all that matters is now these jerks would think before they act

Tol: HE SMACKED ME WITH A BIG ASS SILVER PLATE

Ho: these rich people istg…

Tol: it hurt so bad!!!!

Ho: my brave hero!!!

Mother: boo hoo you whore

Tol: *dramatic gasp

Vivi’s dad: I DIDN’T EVEN DO ANYTHING WHY DID YOU KICK ME IN THE STOMACH

Tol: *dramatic gasp pt2

Tol: IT WAS YOUR IDEA @Vivi’ dad

Mother: I KNEW it. Guess who’s getting kicked for the second time

Vivi’s dad: WHY WOULD YOU KICK ME WHEN THERE IS A FULL FUNCTIONING BRICK WALL LYING BESIDE ME

Mother: Jongin has got his share

Mother: also I like him better

Tol: I KNEW IT

Vivi’s dad: it was your favorite who brought all the tape

Mother: RATS ALL OF YOU

Dae: btw where is @angel

Dae: after me he is the whiniest and yet he keeps quiet

Tol: he forgot his password again

Tol: and his password for his email

Old man: he is lucky he is pretty

Mother: this is why I like him better

Mother: you two are terrible while he is just dumb

Vivi’s dad: hYUNG  - JI

Mother: rmmbr how u applied nail polish to your lips??

Vivi’s dad: …- JI

Vivi’s dad: this loser just handed me back my phone saying u were being very mean

Mother: tell him to suck it

Vivi’s dad: he just said “if im gonna suck someones dick, its definitely not joonies nasty dick”

Old man: lol

Vivi’s dad: @salt where are you? Missing out all the fun

Dae: it not like him to ignore us when we discuss Jongin

Ho: he should have already threatened joon to cut off his dick or smth like that

Salt: And why would I be interested in discussing Jongin?

Vivi’s dad: bc u usually are?

Salt: You know what Sehun you don’t know shit. Don’t pretend like you know me just because I’m patient enough to deal with all of your stupidity over a movie night or a chat. You guys are annoying and although I usually try to ignore it, I won’t do that today. Deal with our own shit before putting your noses in mine. If I’m ignoring you it means that I’m simply tired of your usual nonsense. Leave me alone.

 

**_Salt has left the group chat_ **

 

Dae: what the fuck just happened?

Dae: what did u guys do @ho @vivi’s dad @tol

Ho: I didn’t do anything

Tol: me neither

Vivi’s dad: me too

Old man: kyungsoo wouldn’t lush out like this for nothing. just confess and then we will have a very brief chat and by brief chat I mean me beating you up and you apologizing to kyungsoo

Ho: WE REALLY DIDN’T DO ANYTHING

Tol: HE IS RIGHT WE DIDN’T EVEN SEE HIM TODAY

Mother: you guys live in the same apartment how did you not see him?

Ho: he didn’t leave his room today

Dae: he skipped a class???????????

Old man: crap something really bad happened if he skipped class. he loves cooking more than anything else

Dae: can it be bc of that guy flirting with Jongin the other day?

Vivi’s dad: literally every second person we meet flirts with Jongin. he just ignores or like the last time suffers quietly

Vivi’s dad: it has to be something else

Vivi’s dad: I asked Jongin and he said he didn’t see ksoo after that day either

Ho: shit

 

 

xxx

 

Dae: Yixing just got home and he has smth to tell u guys

Dae: ill let him tell but know that this is bad

Dae: like VERY bad

Dae: and we will probably kill someone so theres that too

Old man: just tell me who

Bunny: okay so you guys know that café right? The one near our uni?

Mother: yeah

Bunny: so I went there today after work to get coffee and muffins for us. It was hani’s shift today. after she handed me the bill she just got serious all of a sudden and asked if kyungsoo was okay

Old man: Yixing just type faster for fucks sake

Bunny: I asked her why she asked that and she said that yesterday in the morning ksoo was there. He sat at one of the tables and just looked around. He looked really happy. Everyone at the café were so surprised to see him smiling so big. He ordered his drink and sat there occasionally looking at his watch. Hani said it seemed like he was waiting for someone

Vivi’s dad: I don’t like where this is going

Bunny: hani said he waited for 2 HOURS. HE JUST SAT THERE SIPPING HIS COFFEE AND LOOKING OUT OF THE WINDOW. HANI SAID HE LOOKED OKAY BEFORE THE FISRT 30MINS BUT AFTER THAT HANI SAW HIM GETTING MORE AND MORE NERVOUS AND BY THE END SHE SWORE HE WAS CRYING. HE JUST RAN OUT WHILE TRYING TO CONCEAL HIS TEARS

Old man: I WILL KILL WHOEVER THE FUCK STOOD HIM UP

Mother: THAT JERK IS SO DEAD

Vivi’s dad: HOW DARE HE DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO KYUGSOO ILL RIP HIS DICK OFF

Ho: AND ILL HELP

Tol: ILL HIDE THE BODY

Dae: good to know that we are on the same page but lets find out who that was at first

Bunny: it could be Jongin

Mother: Jongin would never stand him up

Vivi’s dad: if anything hed be there an hour early

Old man: cant believe im saying this but sehun is right. jongin is too in love also he has manners. Hed never stand anyone up. Its gotta be someone else

Vivi’s dad: EXACTLY. He would never do that I know him

Dae: I understand but like who else would affect ksoo like that???

Dae: he has been in love ever since he first saw him and he never notices anyone besides Jongin

Bunny: kyungsoo wouldn’t agree to a date if it was anyone else asking him is what Jongdae is trying to say

Dae: ^

Vivi’s dad: hang on. ill call Jongin

Vivi’s dad: I better be right or ill kill Jongin myself best friend or not

Vivi;s dad: he said that he doesn’t know anything. The last time he saw ksoo was in the park. They didn’t even talk online. He also said that whoever it was wont live the moment he finds him

Dae: so….. its not jongin then?

Ho: this doesn’t make any sense

Ho: id question ksoo myself but his door is locked

Old man: since when it stopped u?

Ho: usually never but if his heart is broken its better if I leave him alone

Ho: he doesn’t like showing his weak side to people

Ho: its better if we leave him alone until he feels like sharing

Mother: baek…being considerate… what have we come to….

Bunny: but won’t it be better if he talked to someone??

Dae: I think Yixing is right. Its very possible hell never discuss this after getting better

Tol: ill just text him if he wants to talk ill hear, but if he wants privacy we wont annoy him

Old man: wow Chanyeol im so proud of you

Tol: im proud of myself too

Old man: nvm

 

xxx

 

**_Private chat with tickle monster and one punch soo_ **

 

Tickle monster: ksoo how are you?

Tickle monster: wanna talk about it?

Tickle monster: or maybe a shoulder to cry on about it?

Tickle monster: ksoo, we don’t really know what happened but we are very worried. Please talk to us. You know you can trust me right?

Tickle monster: whatever it is I’ll hear you out and won’t judge and definitely won’t make fun of you.

Tickle monster: remember when my puppy died and I locked myself in my room and kept on sobbing?

Tickle monster: and you barged into my room and begun telling all the stories you could remember of snowball??

Tickle monster: you even brought a tiny cake with his face badly drawn on it and we spent the night retelling all the things we did together with snowball, ate the cake and looked through photos. That night you hugged me tightly and didn’t let me go and just kept saying that its better for snowball that way. That he has feeling better and was not suffering anymore. Do you remember that?

Tickle monster: that day you were there for me and I want to do the same for you if you let me.

Tickle monster: and I can see that you are reading this so don’t ignore me or else id just annoy you

Tickle monster: K

Tickle monster: Y

Tickle monster:U

Tickle monster:N

Tickle monster:G

Tickle monster:S

Tickle monster:O

Tickle monster:O

Tickle monster: D

Tickle monster: O

Tickle monster: N

 Tickle monster:T

Tickle monster: I

Tickle monster:G

Tickle monster:N

Tickle monster:O

Tickle monster:R

Tickle monster:E

Tickle monster: M

One punch soo: Chanyeol I really appreciate what you are trying to do but this isn’t something I want to talk about

Tickle monster: you don’t have to!!! We can just text each other

Tickle monster: you don’t even have to tell ill ask questions and you just answer please

Tickle monster: ksoo you have been like this for 2 days now pls you need to let it out

One punch soo : fine. Ask

Tickle monster: YES. We heard from hani that you were at the café yesterday. Were you waiting for someone?

One punch soo: I was

Tickle monster: did they come?

One punch soo: no

Tickle monster: did you ask that person to a date or was it them?

One punch soo: I asked

Tickle monster: did they explain why they didn’t come?

One punch soo: no

Tickle monster: why did you wait for that person for 2 hours?

One punch soo : I thought hed come even if to tell me he wasn’t interested

Tickle monster: was he someone important to you?

One punch soo: yeah

Tickle monster: was it Jongin?

Tickle monster: IM GOING TO KILL THAT FUCKER

Tickle monster: HE TOLD US HE DIDN’T KNOW ANYTHING

Tickle monster: THAT FUCKER HOW DARE HE

One punch soo : its alright chan. I knew he wouldn’t come. I guess I took your jokes too seriously and thought maybe I had a chance but I know better now

Tickle monster: we weren’t joking!!!!! We were so sure of it!!!!

Tickle monster: that dick could at least tell you he wouldn’t come why did he agree anyways???

One punch soo: He didnt agree. I confessed and wrote to him to meet me in the café and that if he didn’t come id take that as an answer. I guess he just didn’t bother to give it personally.

Tickle monster: THE AUDACITY OF THE DICKHEAD

Tickle monster: wait A MINUTE

Tickle monster: HOW DID YOU ASK HIM OUT KYUNGSOO///

Tickle monster: THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT

One punch soo: I wrote in our private chat why?

Tickle monster: THAT BABOON I SWEAR TO GOD

Tickle monster: KYUNGSOO THAT IDIOT BROKE HIS PHONE THE DAY BEFORE DURING DANCE PRACTICE AND HE DOESN’T REMEMBER HIS OLD PASSWORD TO LOG IN

Tickle monster: HE MIGHT HAVE NOT SEEN IT

Tickle monster: KYUNGSOO1!!!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is it too obvious yixing is my bias??? lol anyways to all kaisoo readers here: guys xingdae readers and i have this relationship of me being "im terrible" and them being "we know this and we tolerate you" so what im trying to say here is LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS


	8. the reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not the best chapter i wrote

**_Group chat fresh hot gossip by yours truly_ **

 

Chanyeol: soooooooooooooo

Chanyeol: in this dark and mysterious times when the world was crushing down

Chanyeol: and humanity was slowly dying out there was one man who stood out

Chanyeol: the hero who rose from the faceless crowd to do whats right

Chanyeol: to fix humanity’s mistakes because after all they weren’t as perfect as him and made many mistakes

Chanyeol: he took the burden of enlightening them and showing them the new world they can achieve

Chanyeol: this selfless hero’s name is Park Chanyeol

Sehun: is it over? like are you done now?

Chanyeol: mostly

Sehun: oh god

Chanyeol: anyways guys I have some NEWS™

Joonmyeon: if its not about ksoo I don’t care

Chanyeol: it is!!!

Minseok: spill it

Chanyeol: so I talked with ksoo and he told me that he was in fact waiting for Jongin

Jongdae: I knew it!!!!

Yixing: ill have a talk with jongin which he is NOT going to like

Minseok: ill join

Minseok: 4 fists are better than 2

Chanyeol: chill its not his fault

Joonmyeon: im confused

Chanyeol: okay lets start from the beginning

Chanyeol: the day when the dog thing happened and you guys were at our place

Chanyeol: ksoo confessed to Jongin via chat and told him to meet him at the café

Chanyeol: but our baboon had a late night dance practice and as you guys might remember he accidentally crushed his phone that night

Chnayeol: and he doesn’t really remember his passwords so he might not have seen it

Chanyeol: in short if I guessed it correctly Jongin didn’t show up because he didn’t read the message

Yixing: thank god i was ready to cut him off from my crew

Joonmyeon: so all this drama has been a huge misunderstanding???

Chanyeol: pretty much yeah

Baekhyun: we have to do something to get them together

Yixing: i don’t know baek maybe we should let them do it on their own

Baekhyun: I really hate disagreeing with you but we’ve seen where this had led them to

Sehun: lets just wait for a bit

Chanyeol: agreed

Chanyeol: ill try to convince ksoo to try again

 

 xxx

 

**_Kim Jongin and You are now friends_ **

 

Chanyeol: so you are swearing you cant log in into your old account??

Jongin: YES

Jongin: you know how bad I am with technology

Jongin: its so confusing

Jongin: I had so many cute puppy photos on it im so sad L(((

Chanyeol: that’s understandable

Chanyeol: and you didn’t get any messages past midnight???

Jongin: no???

Jongin: why are you asking?

Chnayeol: no reason

Chnayeol: you know just being the old weird me

Chanyeol: im random rawr

Jongin: pls stop

 

xxx

**_Private chat with tickle monster and one punch soo_ **

 

Tickle monster: KYUNGSOO

Tickle monster: LOOK

Tickle monster: [screenshot.jpg]

Tickle monster: he didn’t know!!!!!!!!!

Tickle monster: confess to him again!!!

Tickle monster: do it!!!

Tickle monster: just do it!!!

One punch soo: Even if it was just a misunderstanding maybe we aren’t meant to be??

One punch soo: Maybe it was a sign I should give up?

Tickle monster: what are you so afraid of?

Tickle monster: even if he has no feelings for you (which is a total lie) he still wouldn’t reject you harshly

Tickle monster: at most you guys might be awkward around each other until you forgot it all together

One punch soo: it’s the awkwardness I am afraid of. I'll get over him not having feelings for me but losing him as a friend is not something I can handle. He is the only one I can be myself around you know?? I feel so comfortable around him

One punch soo: He feels like home

One punch soo: I dont want to lose that

Tickle monster: i understand but you cant go on like this

Tickle monster: you are hurting

Tickle monster: how many times you can handle seeing other people flirt with him?

Tickle monster: what you guys have right now is good but it can be better cant it?

Tickle monster: you can hug him whenever you want, kiss him whenever you want

Tickle monster: don’t you want that?

One punch soo: I do but…

Tickle monster: no buts!!!

Tickle monster: kyungsoo I know I say a lot of stupid shit like really A LOT

Tickle monster: but just trust me this once ok?

Tickle monster: he looks at you like you put the stars on the sky

Tickle monster: he always brags to his new friends how good your cakes taste and how good of a chef you are

Tickle monster: and didn’t you tell me before he always sends you photos of his dogs??

Tickle monster: that’s so cute!!!

Tickle monster: just try please

One punch soo: …

One punch soo: I really hope you are right

One punch soo: or ill kill you

Tickle monster: sounds reasonable

 

xxx

 

_**Kim Jongin and You are now friends** _

 

Jongin: are you okay?

Jongin: the guys told me what happened

Jongin: whoever did that will hear from me

Jongin: just don’t take it to your heart they are the ones missing out

Kyungsoo: thanks

Kyungsoo: don’t worry too much about it now

Jongin: hyung you really shouldn’t let it hurt you

Jongin: you deserve someone better

Kyungsoo: lets talk about something else

Kyungsoo: how is your crush going?

Jongin: um…

Kyungsoo: can you tell me about him? Or her?

Jongin: …

Jongin: I mean if you want to hear it…

Jongin: it’s a he

Jongin: he is very nice and sweet

Jongin: and he takes good care of everyone

Jongin: and he is so handsome???

Jongin: I just melt every time I see him

Kyungsoo: you sound like you are in love

Jongin: I guess I am

Jongin: how are the things with kris btw?

Kyungsoo: they are good???

Kyungsoo: why do you always ask me about him?

Jongin: no reason

Kyungsoo: Jongin

Jongin: fine. I think you guys have a thing

Kyungsoo: why would I have a thing with kris? I barely know him

Jongin: I just assumed since you guys spend a lot of time together

Kyungsoo: he is new and im just helping him to feel more welcome

Kyungsoo: btw how do you know we spend a lot of time together?

Kyungsoo: I mean the dance department is on the other side of our campus

Jongin: hahaha gtg see you later

Kyungsoo: … ok

 

xxx

**_Private chat with Kji and Osh_ **

 

Kji: [screenshot.jpg]

Kji: I fucked up

Osh: karma is a bitch

 

 xxx

 

**_Tol added Do Kyungsoo to the group chat we are one_ **

**_Tol changed Do Kyungsoo’s name to Salt_ **

 

Salt: guys im really sorry

Salt: I really appreciate you and I didn’t mean the things I said

Salt: I was in a bad mood and I shouldn’t have lashed out on you

Salt: im sorry

Ho: ITS ALRIGHT

Ho: we love you too!!!!

Bunny: its good to have you back!!!

Old man: don’t worry about it soo

Dae: we missed u

Mother: all that matters is that we forgive you

Vivi’s dad: I don’t

Mother: SEHUN

Salt: ill make you your favorite dish

Vivi’s dad: my forgiveness is not that cheap

Salt: + dessert of your choice

Vivi’s dad: you know you are my favorite right?

Mother: brat

 

_**Vivi’s dad added Kim Jongin to the group chat we are one** _

**_Vivi’s dad changed Kim Jongin’s name to Angel_ **

 

Vivi’s dad: consistency is the key

Mother: my family is finally complete

 

 xxx

 

Mother: BAEK JUST BURNT MY NEW COOKING POT

Mother: THIS FUCKER CANT EVEN BOIL WATER JFC

Ho: im sorry but I have never done anything wrong in my life

Ho: ever

Tol: I know this and I love you

Ho: <3

 

 xxx

 

Vivi’s dad: nearly all of my friends are dating and here I am staring at the wall bc my dog just ditched me to play with jongin

Old man: im afraid you are gonna die alone

Vivi’s dad: its not that I cant find the right person

Vivi’s dad: its just they have to get along with all of you

Vivis’ dad: in the wise words of spice girls “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends”

Vivi’s dad: that’s u

Vivis’ dad: the friend. not the lover

Vivi’s dad: unless…

Old man: NO

Vivi’s dad: ur loss

 

xxx

 

Mother: guys!!!

Angel: smth happened?

Mother: YES

Mother: Yesterday a clown held the door open for me.

Angel: ?

Mother: I thought it was a nice jester.

 

_**Angel has left the chat** _

_**Vivi’s dad has left the chat** _

_**Salt has left the chat** _

_**Ho has left the chat** _

_**Tol has left the chat** _

_**Dae has left the chat** _

 

Old man: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Mother: only you understand art

 

_**Mother has added angel, vivi’s dad, salt, ho, tol, dae to the chat** _

 

Mother: I'm toadly sorry! Please frog-ive me

Old man: LOL

Vivi’s dad: UGH

Salt: just stop trying

Dae: why would you make me read it with my own two eyes

 

_**Angel has left the chat** _

_**Vivi’s dad has left the chat** _

_**Salt has left the chat** _

_**Ho has left the chat** _

_**Tol has left the chat** _

_**Dae has left the chat** _

 

Mother: worth it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for taking so much time with this fic im not usually like this. a lot of crap is happening and im not in the right mental state, BUT i do have the general outline for the last 2 chapters so ill try to finish this during the weekend. thanks for all the hits/kudos/comments i love you all


	9. The screenshots of the truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope this chapter would be worth the wait. ill try to write the rest today. the besties chat members are deadsoo (ksoo), drama queen (baek), scream(jongdae) and tower (chan).

Dae: so in other news

Dae: kris is asking out ksoo rn

Angel:…

Angel: I FUCKINNG KNEW

Mother: ASDFGHJKL

Vivi’s dad: I CANT BELIEVE JONGINS PARANOIA WAS ACTUALLY REASONABLE FOR ONCE

Old man: what did kyungsoo say???

Dae: at first he looked super shocked

Dae: then he just smiled and said “im very sorry but there is someone I like so…”

Dae: he just patted him on the shoulder and went

Dae: I kinda feel bad for kris. he looks so lost and sad

Mother: my heartbreaker son

Vivi’s dad: @angel shouldn’t you be already screaming and punching me or whatever you do when you are happy?

Vivi’s dad: @angel??

Dae: ksoo broke him

 

 xxx

 

**_Private chat with Kji and Osh_ **

 

OSH: are you ok?

KJI: relatively

Osh: explain

Kji: he rejected kris bc he likes someone else

Osh: and????

Kji: and now im sad bc he likes someone

Osh: KIM FUCKING JONGIN

Osh: DON’T COME HOME IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BE STRANGLED TO DEATH

Osh: WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING DENSE

Kji: sehun you keep saying that kyungsoo likes me but how can I trust you when I just don’t see it

Kji: you say that he is biased towards me, that he is “soft” for me but honestly he is soft for everyone

Kji: rmbr when you had high fever and he stayed up with you all night?

Kji: or when Minseok broke up with that football player and ksoo made sure to get him home safe and took care of his hangover??

Kji: he doesn’t treat me any different than the rest of you guys

Kji: he is just a nice person and I know that being my friend you want the best for me but

Kji: he doesn’t have feelings for me stop giving me hope

Kji: its so hard

Osh: *sigh* Jongin look we have known each other for 3 years now right?

Osh: have I ever told you to do smth just so I could see you suffer?

Osh: and the ice pop thing doesn’t count

Osh: if anything, I want you to stop moping

Osh: im tired of seeing my friend sulking every time kyungsoo smiles at someone

Osh: its not normal

Kji: do you think I should just let go then?

Osh: is the other option that scary?

Kji: yes

Osh: look I really hoped this wouldn’t come to _this_ but you leave me no choice

Osh: [screenshot1.jpg]

Osh: [screenshot2.jpg]

Osh: [screenshot3.jpg]

Osh: [screenshot4.jpg]

Osh: [screenshot5.jpg]

Osh: [screenshot6.jpg]

Osh: [screenshot7.jpg]

Osh: these are only the ones he sent me this month

Osh: THIS MONTH

Osh: do you know how many messages he sent me asking if you have eaten?

Osh: or if your ankle was okay?

Osh: or if there was a specific reason you were sad that day?

Osh: or if you were seeing someone?

Osh: cant you see that he really likes you???

Osh: screw like he LOVES you and a lot

Kji: I don’t know what to say

Osh: honestly jongin. you know me. Id never advice you to do something that would harm you. i might seem cold and distant but im very far from it. If i insist that kyungsoo loves you, then I’m 100% sure of it.

Osh: just trust me dude

Kji: ok but what should I do?

Osh: ask him to come to our showcase

Kji: what if he has other plans

Osh: JONIGN

Kji: fine

Kji: thx ily

 

 xxx

 

_**Private chat with Do Kyungsoo and Kim jongin** _

 

Jongin: but im so worried!!!

Kyungsoo: Stop looking down on yourself. i’ve seen you dance and believe me it is far from being mediocre.

Kyugsoo: You’ll do so well!!! I believe in you!!!

Jongin: thanks!!!

Jonging: would you come to the showcase?

Kyungsoo: yeah sure. When?

Jongin: this Friday at 4 pm

Kyungsoo: oh great. the guys finish classes around 3:30 ill come with them

Jongin: guys?

Kyungsoo: chanyeol, jongdae and baek?

Jongin: um…

Jongin: I haven’t invited them

Kyungsoo: did they do something stupid? Ill end them

Jongin: no no they didn’t do anything.

Jongin: I just wanted _you_ to be there

Jongin: alone

Jongin: to watch me

Jongin: I only invited you

Kyungsoo: why?

Jongin: because your opinion matters to me far more than the other’s

Kyungsoo: and why is that?

Jongin: just because

Jongin: ill see you on Friday?

Kyungsoo: sure. Cant wait :)

Jongin: :)

 

xxx

 

_**Group chat  besties**_

 

Deadsoo: so…um…

Deadsoo: you might have had a point there

Deadsoo: [screenshot1.jpg]

Deadsoo: [screeenshot2.jpg]

Scream: HOLY FUCING SHIT

Deadsoo: fuck

Deadsoo: it’s the wrong chat

Deadsoo: whatevs. Just tell me am I seeing thins or this actually happened?

Tower: KYUNGSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Deadsoo: don’t you dare to ‘I told you’ me

Tower: I FUCKING TOLD YOU WHY YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME

Scream: Yixing is legit crying beside me

Scream: [voice message]

Scream: LITERALLY

Deadsoo: why are yall so fucking extra???

Drama queen: well fuck

Scream: where is your enthusiasm baek?

Drama queen: dead in the ditch. I lost my bet to minseok

Drama queen: why couldn’t you confess earlier ksoo?

Drama queen: I really needed that 10$ a bitch has gotta eat

Deadsoo: WERE YOU FUCKING BETTING ON US????

Tower: why are you panicking though? Just don’t tell Minseok about this

Drama queen: I KNEW I LOVE YOU FOR MORE THAN JUST YOUR VOICE AND THE LOG YOU HAVE BETWEEN YOU LEGS

Tower: i….i…

Tower: I feel objectified

Scream:  I just told Minseok fyi

Scream: he says hell get that money whatever means

Drama queen: why am I friends with you?

Scream: bc im amazing?

Drama queen: pfffffffff

Deadsoo: um GUYS pay attention to the important matters here

Deadsoo: did he really mean what I thought he meant?

Tower: kyuNGSOO I SWEAR TO GOD

Drama queen: for fucks sake

Scream: get your shit together-yx

Drama queen: see??? You even made Yixing swear

Deadsoo: ok so lets accept this as a confession of sorts. What shall I do?

Tower: confess back of course

Daedsoo: I don’t want to do it over a text

Drama queen: I have a plan

Drama queen: go to his showcase with flowers

Scream: give him the flowers and tell him they are not even half as pretty as he is

Deadsoo: a bit cheesy for me but go on

Drama queen: you invite him to somewhere private after the showcase

Scream: you can bring him back to your place

Drama queen: you make dinner for him and give him some top tier desserts to eat

Scream: he is happy and full

Drama queen: and then…

Scream: you take all of your cloths off, put on the alien mask you wore last Halloween and dance the Macarena

Drama queen: I feel like hed be into that

Scream: I know right?

Tower: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

_**Deadsoo kicked Scream out of the group chat** _

_**Deadsoo kicked Drama queen out of the group chat** _

 

Deadsoo: why do I even bother at this point

Tower: they had a point there

Deadsoo: you want to get kicked out too or what?

Tower: no I mean you probably shouldn’t do the mask and the dance thing but the rest was okay.

Tower: invite him to our place for a dinner and then confess to him

Tower: we’ll even clean the house for you two

Deadsoo: I don’t trust your cleaning skills no offence

Tower: ill have Minseok help us

Deadsoo: that’s better

Tower: so are we really going to do this?

Deadsoo: yeah. Im tired of guessing

Tower: im rooting for you

Tower: we’ll even change your bed linen

Tower: you know… for when you guys would need the bed…

Tower:  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Deadsoo: shut up

Tower: you are blushing aren’t you??

Deadsoo: SHUT THE FUCK UP

Tower: love you too

 

xxx

 

_**Group chat we are one** _

 

Dae: remember how 2 days ago it was yixing’s and my 2-year anniversary??

Dae: and I said I have a surprise for him

Dae: well… that was a mistake

Mother: OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED????

Ho: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO??? IF YOU HURT YIXING ISTG

Angel: did you guys have an argument??

Vivi’s dad: but Yixing looked so happy the last 2 days WHAT HAPPENED

Dae: we didn’t have a fight relax

Dae: its just that im *this* close to beheading that bunny and giving it to ksoo to cook it for me

Tol: surely im not the only one confused

Angel: is this… Is this sex talk??? Is this how it goes???? It this normal???

Old man: believe me there is nothing normal about that statement

Mother: fyi jongdae there are better ways of saying you want to suck his dick

Dae: YOU GOT ME WRONG

Dae: I MEANT AN ACTUAL BUNNY

Dae: THE ANIMAL

Salt: come again?

Dae: I got a bunny for Yixing for our anniversary bc you all know how much he loves them but it was a grave fucking mistake and ill never forgive myself for it

Tol: ?

Dae: that tiny fucker MONOPOLIZED MY BOYFRIEND

Dae: IT FOLLOWS HIM EVERYWHERE HE GOES AND YIXING CARRIES HIM ALL AROUND THE HOUSE

Dae: HE SPEND THE WHOLE DAY PLAYING WITH IT

Dae: WHAT ABOUT ME WHO WILL PLAY WITH ME

Salt:…

Salt: im too tired to deal with this

Dae: LAST NIGHT THAT FUCKER JUMPED ON OUR BED WHEN WE WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING AND YIXING JUST STOPPED AND TOLD ME WE’LL CONTINUE TOMORROW AND LET HER SLEEP WITH US SAYING SHE NEEDED HIS ATTENTION

Dae: WHAT ABOUT ME AND MY DICK DO WE NOT DESERVE HIS ATTENTION

 

_**Salt has left the group chat** _

_**Angel has left the group chat** _

_**Mother added salt and angel to the group chat** _

 

Mother: suffer with the rest of us

Mother: WE ARE ONE

Dae: don’t leave me Im distressed and sad

Old man: and you couldn’t say all of this to him because…

Dae: because im not talking to him

Mother: oh for fucks sake Jongdae

Dae: don’t for fucks sake me its his fault

Vivi’s dad: can we all just relax??

Vivi’s dad: where is Yixing anyways??

Dae: playing with his new love obviously

Bunny: I WAS WORKING OUT

Bunny: Jongdae why are you so upset?? Tongtong is so cute!!!

Dae: You know who else is cute??? Me but do I get the attention I deserve??? No

Bunny: Babyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Dae: go baby your furry friend

Bunny: what if I compensate my mistake?

Dae: nothing will make up for leaving me there untouched

Bunny: IM SORRY but the bunny is so cute!!!

Bunny: although I bet _you_ with bunny ears would look even cuter

Bunny: or a bunny suit

Dae:…

Dae: wanna check out?

Old man: this is wrong on so many levels

Vivi’s dad: I wish I could unsee this

Mother: can someone kill me please? Anyone?

Bunny: ill buy one for you on my way home <3

 

_**Angel has left the chat** _

_**Vivi’s dad has left the chat** _

_**Salt has left the chat** _

_**Ho has left the chat** _

_**Tol has left the chat** _

_**Mother has left the chat** _

_**Old man has left the chat** _

 

 

Dae: ashdfghjkl

Dae: poor guys

Dae: maybe we should stop doing this?

Bunny: lol no way. Im having too much fun with their reactions

Dae: same!

Dae: for real though it was a dick move

Dae: I was really looking forward to cuddling you and that damn bunny just had to squeeze in between us

Bunny: im sorry!!! But she is so cute!!! I couldn’t leave her to sleep on her own

Bunny: do you not like her??

Dae: OF COURSE I DO. She is so cute and fluffy. I guess im just not used to sharing you with anyone

Bunny: awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Bunny: if you are like this with a bunny, I cant imagine what youll do with a baby

Dae: baby?

Bunny: I mean we’ll get married and have kids wont we?

Bunny: its not like im saying we HAVE to have kids if you don’t want to. i know we haven’t discussed it yet

Bunny: but it would have been great

Bunny: and I know its early to talk about marriage either bc we only dated for 2 years now but I just have the feeling that what we have is not going to go anywhere? Like its for life

Bunny: I just love you so much and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you

Bunny: oh god I must have scared you, haven’t i??? IM SORRY WE DON’T HAVE TO DO ANY OF THIS ITS TOO EARLY TO TALK ABOUT IT

Bunny: please forget what I just said. My body is so tired I cant control what I type

Bunny: Jongdae?

Dae: im here

Dae: I didn’t reply because I had to reread them to make sure I read them right.

Dae: I love you too and I really cant wait to have a family with you

Dae: and I don’t care if its too early for that. Im sure of my feelings

Bunny: im sure of them too

Dae: I love you so much, you know that right?

Bunny: I do

Dae: when will you get home?

Bunny: in half an hour

Dae: ok. ill cook your favorite for you

Bunny: you are the best!!!

Bunny: also we should probably delete these messages

Dae: agreed they are too personal

Dae: you go change your cloths ill delete them

Dae: and don’t worry ill screenshot them before deleting

Bunny: my smart baby!!!

Dae: (๑♡3♡๑)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case it wasnt clear enough: xindgae arent really the kinky annoying couple they just love trolling everyone and see them suffer. i havent edited this properly.


	10. the secret ingredient

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gramps is minseok and annoyance is baek

_**Private chat with gramps and annoyance** _  

 

Gramps: no baek im not your housekeeper

Annoyance: but hyuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuung

Annoyance: I already promised ksoo we’ll clean the house

Gramps: then do it yourselves don’t bother me

Annoyance: but you are so good at cleaning things

Gramps: your attempt at flattering me was pathetic at best still no

Annoyance: don’t you want to see ksoo and jongin together?

Gramps: of course I do but that doesn’t mean I want to clean your house for you

Annoyance: what if Jongin sees half-eaten burger under the pillow on the sofa and decides that he doesn’t like kyungsoo anymore

Gramps: at this point not even the god himself can stop Jongin from loving ksoo

Gramps: also you guys are gross wow

Annoyance: hyuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuug

Annoyance: hyuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuug

Gramps: UGH FINE

Annoyance: love you!!!

 

xxx

 

**_Private chat with tickle monster and one punch soo_ **

Tickle monster: are u ready for this?

One punch soo: as ready as ill ever be

Tickle monster: go get him tiger

 

xxx

  ** _Group chat fresh hot gossip by yours truly_**

 

Joonmyeon: anyone wants so fill me in why kyungsoo has flowers with him??

Chanyeol: where have you seen him?

Joonmyeon: its sehun and kai’s showcase today. he is here too

Baekhyun: WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE

Joonmyeon: SUPPORTING MY SONS WHAT ELSE SHOULD I DO

Baekhyun: WHATEVER YOU DO DON’T LET KSOO SEE YOU

Joonmyeon: why?

Chanyeol: ksoo wants to confess today and if he sees you he might chicken out

Joonmyeon: ooooooooooooooooooooooooh

Jongdae: what is going on right now?

Joonmyeon: its jongin’s turn now and let me tell you this boy knows how to move his hips

Yixing: is kyungsoo alive?

Joonmyeon: barely. he looks like his souls has left his body

Joonmyeon: btw he looks exceptionally good today

Chanyeol: he spent the whole night choosing outfits

Baekhyun: he even let me put make up on him

Minseok: wow the power of love

 

 

xxx

 

Joonmyeon: guys if I die I just want you to know that I love you

Joonmyeon: although you mostly are insufferable jerks who don’t like puns

Minseok: what are you up to?

Joonmyeon: when the showcase ended ksoo went backstage to find Jongin and I followed

Joonmyeon: he is now pacing and staring at the flowers

Joonmyeon: my poor son is so stressed

Yixing: GUYS KYUNGSOO CAME TO SEE JONGIN AND JONGIN JUST LEFT THE ROOM SO QUICKLY I THINK HE GOT WHIPLASH

Yixing: oh I see you guys already know

Minseok: yeah

Joonmyeon: ‘thank you so much for coming today. I saw u in the crowd. It helped me a lot.”-ji

Joonmyeon: ‘I should be the one thanking you. You danced so well I was mesmerized.’

Joonmyeon: Now they are just smiling at each other

Baekhyun: my heart!!!

Joonmyeon: ‘who are these for?’-jongin

Joonmyeon: ‘what do you mean?’-ksoo

Joonmyeon: ‘the flowers?’-ji

Joonmyeon: Ashgdfhsbd ksoo was so stressed he forgot he had flowers with him. He blushed lightly and gave the flowers to Jongin.

Joonmyeon: ‘they are very pretty’-ji

Joonmyeon: ‘they are… you… nevermind. Are you hungry?-ksoo

Joonmyeon: ‘starving’

Joonmyeon: ‘I was trying out a new recipe today and I think the results are okay. Want to come check for yourself?’-ksoo

Joonmyeon: ‘of course. Im sure its gonna taste great.-ji

Joonmyeon: again shy smiles

Joonmyeon: they are too much for my heart

Chanyeol: he really tried to use the line Jongdae told him. Omg every time I think he couldn’t be more in love he proves me wrong

Minseok: what are they doing joon?

Joonmyeon: Jongin went to gather his things

Joonmyeon: ksoo is standing there breathing and pep-talking himself

Joonmyeon: ‘you can do this kyungsoo. you imagined this many times. You can do this.’

Minseok: this child…

Joonmyeon: they just left :/

Joonmyeon: too bad we wont know whats going to happen

Baekhyun: fear not my friends I have the solution

Minseok: oh god please don’t tell me youll spy on them

Baekhyun: ill spy on them

Minseok: have you heard of privacy?

Baekhyun: I don’t know her

Yixing: how are you going to spy on them without getting caught?

Baekhyun: I drilled a hole through our bedroom door

Chanyeol: the door I just recently changed?

Baekhyun: this is a minimum sacrifice for our friends happiness and most importantly for MY happiness

Chanyeol: I guess

Minseok: so you are gonna sit there locked in your room in dead silence for half an hour until the boys get there?

Baekhyun: pretty much yeah

Minseok: I have no words have fun

Baekhyun: oh I will

 

xxx

 

Baekhyun: RED ALERT I repeat RED ALERT THEY GOT HERE

Sehun: copy that give us more details

Baekhyun: ok so they are in the kitchen rn. Jongin asked where were the rest and ksoo told him that we were at xingdae’s. ksoo is heating the sauce while Jongin is setting the plates

Baekhyun: they look so domestic ill cry

Baekhyun: now they are discussing the other participants of the showcase

Baekhyun: “Sehun did really well. I’m so proud of him, but don’t tell him that or he’ll just annoy me”-jongin

Sheun: brooooooooooooooooooooooooo <3

 

xxx

 

Minseok: baek??

Joonmyeon: Baekhyun?

Yixing: where are you?

Jongdae: did ksoo find you and murder you???

Chanyeol: its not like him to keep quiet. Im worried

Baekhyun: relax im just pissed that nothing is going on

Baekhyun: THEY ARE JUST EATING

Baekhyun: WHERE IS THE CONFESSION? THE KISS? THE TEARS? I WANT DRAMA

Baekhyun: this is boring

Baekhyun: and to think I made 16 holes in this new door for this..

Chanyeol: 16??????????????????????

Baekhyun: I couldn’t decide from which angle to look at

Chanyeol: ……..

Chanyeol: you are lucky I love you

 

xxx

 

 Baekhyun: GUYS GUYS GUYS GIYS

Sehun: SPILL IT

Baekhyun: they spent the last hour just talking about everything and being their usual cute selves but THEN

Baekhyun: ksoo just brought the dessert and its those cute tiny cupcakes he makes for us

Baekhyun: Jongin bit into one and his eyes got real big and he began complimenting ksoo’s cooking

Baekhyun: and ksoo smiled that squishy cute smile he has

Baekhyun: then Jongin asked ‘what are the ingredients’

Baekhyun: and ksoo deadass said ‘flour, butter, chocolate, eggs and… l-love’ and he just got VERY RED AND HE LOOKS LIKE HE WANTS THE GROUND TO SWALLOW HIM

Jongdae: THIS IS THE GUY THAT SAID MY FLOWER LINE WAS CHEESY SMH

Baekhyun: JONGIN IS JUST STARING AT HIM

Baekhyun: JONGIN IS GIGGLING

Baekhyun: ksoo mumbled ‘this is so embarrassing Im never speaking again’ and is trying to get away

Baekhyun: JONGIN GRABBED HIS HAND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Baekhyun: ‘wait, where are you going?’-ji

Baekhyun: KSOO ISNT TURNING AROUND BC HE IS STILL ASHAMED FOR SAYING THAT THIS CHILD I SWEAR

Baekhyun: ‘do you love someone kyungsoo?’

Baekhyun: silence

Baekhyun: ‘I already told you about the person I love. Don’t you think its time to tell me about your crush as well?” WHO IS THIS PERSON AND WHAT DID HE DO TO JONGIN

Joonmyeon: OMG

Baekhyun: ksoo is still quiet

Baekhyun: ‘ he is very hard working, very talented and adorable. Ive liked him ever since I first saw him drooling in the cafeteria. He looked like an angel. He cares a lot about his family and friends and he has a pure heart. recently I tried to confess to him but he didn’t see my messages. I thought he rejected me.’

Baekhyun: ‘have you tried to confess to him again?’- Jongin is turning ksoo around so he can look him in the eyes

Baekhyun: “im not sure he feels the same.’

Baekhyun: ‘just try. I bet youll be surprised.’

Baekhyun: silence

Baekhyun: THEY ARE JUST STARING AT EACH OTHER WHILE JONGINS ARM IS STILL AROUND KSOOS WRIST

Baekhyun: KSOO IS INHALING DEEPLY

Baekhyun: “jongin i love you. i…” AAAAAAAAAAAAAKJASBFIDJRSGNKFDISOTHJUITNHBIFGNHKGNBHDFYUGBDFJGNFDKJBNGFJB

Minseok: WHAT

Baekhyun: THEY ARE KISSING

Baekhyun: THEY ARE ACTUALLY KISSING LIKE A REAL COUPLE LIP ON LIP LIKE IN FRONT OF MY TWO MORTAL EYES AND I JUST CANT BELIEVE THIS

Sehun: FINALLY

Yixing: OH MY GOD GUYS THEY DID IT IM SO PROUD

Joonmyeon: MY SONS REALLY DID THAT I JUST JHGSDHFBSD

Minseok: EYTREJCRGVKRT

Chanyeol: id like to thank not only god but also jesus

Jongdae: IT HAS BEEN 2534237654 YEARS

Baekhyun: this looks like one of those kiss scenes in dramas. Jongin wrapped his hands around ksoo’s waist, while kyungsoo put his hands on jongin’s chest.  They are just enjoying each others presence you know?? They arent even passionately making out just slowly kissing as if they are kissing a delicate thing afraid they would destroy it if they aren’t careful enough

Baekhyun: I HATE THEM WHY DO THEY DO THIS TO ME I AM A GROWN 25 YEARS OLD MAN

Baekhyun: they just pulled away. Their foreheads are touching, they are looking at each other and giggling. And they just kissed again

Joonmyeon: IM IN THE TOILET CCRYING

Joonmyeon: HOW THE FUCK AM I GOING TO EXPLAIN TO MY COWORKERS WHY I AM CRYING IN THE OFFICE

Yixing: jongdae, chanyeol and I just opened a bottle of wine

Jongdae: wanna celebrate with us???

Minseok: sure!!

Sehun: im getting so drunk that I can forget all the drama this two has caused me

Joonmyeon: ill leave work in 3 hours

Joonmyeon: wait for me

Minseok: I cant believe we are legit going to go and celebrate the fact that two of our friends kissed

Minseok: I love you all you weirdos

Baekhyun: WHAT ABOUT ME

Jongdae: you sacrificed yourself so that we can know what happened there we wont forget you

Baekhyun: TRAITORS

Baekhyun: I WONT FORGET THIS

Baekhyun: also Jongin and kyungsoo are heading towards kyungsoos room saying that they can’t wait anymore

Baekhyun: now they are pulling of each others cloths

Baekhyun: I JUST SAW KSOOS TUMMY

Baekhyun: so what im saying is that being a hero SUCKS

Baekhyun: I DON’T WANNA BE HERE

Chanyeol: sooner or later they’ll fall asleep then you can join us

Baekhyun: you all will be dead by then whats the point

Chanyeol: well you can always draw stuff on our faces and put it on public display just like you do every time we get drunk together

Baekhyun: THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT ILL DO. I LVOE YOU

Yixing: Chanyeol sorry I just realized our apartment is too small for the 3 of us you should leave :(

Chanyeol: asuyygdshdfb  I WAS KIDDING

Chanyeol: PLEASE

Chanyeol: THE DRINKS ARE ON ME

Yixing: oh then we might be able to accommodate you

Chanyeol: so shady

Baekhyun: in one day both my boyfriend and my soul-mate turned their back against me

Baekhyun: time to die

Baekhyun: the curtains are closing and suffocating me

Baekhyun: the lights are dying out and the last thing I hear when life is leaving my body, is the applause of the few people who were there at my last performance

Baekhyun: my lungs shot down, I close my eyes and feel the hands of death wrapping around me

Minseok: JESUS FUCKING CRIST JUST USE THE FIRE ESCAPE YOU BIG DUMMY

Baekhyun: MINSEOK MY HERO MY LIGHT MY SAVER

Baekhyun: LIFE SAVER LIGHT SABER

Minseok: what even… don’t know don’t care

Minseok: get your ass at xingdae’s

Baekhyun: will be there in 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> was this bad? of course it was. sorry. i have an epilogue and we are done with this story


	11. The amusement park

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im not dead yay

_**Group chat: we are one**_

 

Angel: SEHUN U WONT BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED TO ME YESTERDAY

Angel: IM THE LUCKIEST GUY IN THIS PLANET

Angel: *on this planet

Angel:  whatever don’t care

Angel: IM SO HAPPY

Bunny: did something happen jonginie?

Angel: …

Angel: I mixed the chats again

Angel: fuck it im too happy to not tell u guys about it

Angel: get ready to have your minds blown

Dae: we are all ears nini

Angel: KYUNGSOO AND I ARE DATING

Angel: AS IN A BOYFRIEND AND BOYFRIEND

Angel: AS IN DATING AND KISSING AND HOLDING HANDS THING

Bunny: wow congrats!!!

Old man: im very happy for u guys

Mother: REALLY///// OMG//// IM SO SURPRISED111 THIS IS A BRAND NEW INFORMATION

Tol: WOW ID NEVER BELIEVE SOMETHING LIKE THAT WOULD HAPPEN

Ho: life is so full of surprises

Vivi’s dad: holy macaroni

Dae: jinkies

Angel:…

Salt: u knew didn’t u?

Dae: yeah

Salt: may I ask how?

Ho: if you are implying that I drilled holes on my bedroom door to spy on you and texted everything I saw to our secret jongsoo orientated group chat, then you are gravely mistaken how could u even think of that??? Im disappointed smh

Angel: who even said that?

Salt: Byun Baekhyun, I suggest you say goodbye to all those you love, because you won’t survive today.

Ho: mark me down as scared and horny

Bunny: you are really too much…

Angel: YOU TAKE THAT BACK BAEKHYUN

Ho: @tol save me love

Tol: haven’t you ever been slapped/kicked/punched in the dick by a fuming kyungsoo? I aint fucking with that even for u

Ho: *dramatic gasp*

Ho: this ho aint loyal~~~

Ho: hsgduysdghbnkjfglshnk

Ho: WHY DIDN’T YOU GUYS TELL ME KSOO WAS STILL AT HOME FUCK

Ho: HE IS GONNA KICK MY DOOR DOWN IM SCARED

Ho: HE IS SHOUTING “U ARE SO DEAD BAEKHYUN”

Ho: IM SCARED SOMEONE SAVE ME

Old man: Byun Bakehyun 1992-2017

Vivi’s dad: Not the friend we needed, but the friend we had

Dae: Would be missed dearly

Mother: RIP

Tol: Sometimes I can still hear his voice

Ho: IM NOT DEAD YET

Tol: “yet”

Ho: … ksoo just left????

Old man: so those fake tears I shed were for nothing??? What a waste of time

Ho: CANT U JUST ONCE BE NICE TO ME

Old man: why would I???

Ho:*dramatic gasp* (remixed version)

Ho: gsduhsdfbsjgndjkh

Ho: HE IS ON THE FUCKING FIRE ESCAPE HJFNDSJGFNFDGJ

Ho: HE FUCKING CLIMBED THE STAIRS TO KILL ME

Ho: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Old man: RIP (remixed version)

 

 xxx

_**Private chat with chanie and baek** _

 

Chanie: are u alive baby?

Baek: don’t baby me. U left me to die

Chanie: I mean who would think ksoo would deadass climb the fire escape just to punch u

Baek: you cant fucking imagine what I felt at that time

Baek: so there is kyungsoo one leg over the window the other on the fire escape with his iconic “u shouldnt have fucked with me” expression and that creepy grin he has

Baek: and then there is me plastered on my door screaming my lungs out with my phone in my hands

Baek: it was just like that scene from shining except there was no door or an ax just the good old kyungsoo choke and my vulnerable neck

Baek: and all for his happiness

Baek: when will I be appreciated for my deeds

Chanie: the saints go unnoticed. Its their burden to carry.

Chanie: maybe in your next life the society would give u back the things they take from you

Baek: my baby <3

Baek: btw im still pissed that u didn’t bother to help me so we wont have sex for 2 days

Baek: enjoy

Chanie: THE FUCK???? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Chanie: I REALLY DIDN’T THINK KSOO WAS BEING SERIOUS DOTN PUNISH ME

Baek: too late

 

 xxx

 

_**Group chat we are one** _

 

Dae: so… I have a question @ho

Ho: shoot

Dae: why u still got this nickname? I thought ud change it the minute I gave it to you

Ho: you see, there is no shame in being a ho. You have to accept yourself for who you are and own up to it. Its the only way to achieve happiness and truly be free.

Dae: …

Vivi’s dad: he just doesn’t know how

Ho: AHJHBHBFJADFJDS

Ho: sTOP WHAT IS THIS SLANDER

Ho: why do u guys hate me so much

Mother: should we give u a list or smth???

Ho: u all don’t deserve me

Ho: that’s it ill be friends with the small dude and his weird friend

Tol: u mean jimin and tae??

Ho: yeah, I feel like they appreciate me a lot more than you ever could

Tol: they both hate pineapple on pizza

Ho: …

Ho: looks like im stuck with you suckers

Old man: oh god pls no

 

xxx

 

 

Mother: Today is the international friendship day and can I just say how much I love you guys?? All of you are so amazing and wonderful and I thank god for getting that chance to befriend you all. @old man you are so smart and neat. I look up to you and admire your personality. @bunny you are a literal angel trapped in a human body, I love you. @ho you are a pain in my (and frankly everyone’s) ass, but I love how you always cheer us up and I love your jokes. @tol you are so talented and kind hearted. @dae you are a huge savage with a heart of gold also a huge sap, goals tbh. @salt you are an incredible cook and I love your caring personality. @angel you are one of the purest souls ive ever met and im very happy your crush worked out for you. @vivi’s dad the last but not the least, my brother, you keep us together and give good advice. I love you guys so so much.

Vivi’s dad: have u guys seen that new student from the dance department? I want to have his ass for breakfast lunch and dinner with 15 minute coffee breaks for his dick

Dae: there are 2 types of people

 

 xxx

 

Bunny: guess where we are rn

Bunny:

Mother: awwwwwwww

Vivi’s dad: r u at an amusement park?

Dae: yeah, I was really stressed bc of my final exam so xing stole my papers and hid them

Dae: hence we are here

Mother: goals tbh

Dae: I know right

Bunny: we are gonna go to the haunted house

Bunny: dae says its gonna be fun

Bunny: its actually my first time going there

Old man: good luck

 

 (20 mins later)

 

Bunny: im divorcing

Dae: we aren’t even married

Bunny: im gonna marry you and then divorce dc

Vivi’s dad: what happened????

Bunny: u cant build relationship on distrust

Mother: ????

Dae: he got scared and kept shouting and naturally I begun teasing him

Bunny: he is so mean ( ≧Д≦)

Bunny: where is my baek when I need him

Dae: get that whore out of our argument

Ho: someone called me??

Bunny: baekieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee (∩︵∩) (∩︵∩) (∩︵∩)

Ho: xingieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee (⌯˃̶᷄ ﹏ ˂̶᷄⌯)ﾟ (⌯˃̶᷄ ﹏ ˂̶᷄⌯)ﾟ (⌯˃̶᷄ ﹏ ˂̶᷄⌯)ﾟ

Bunny: he is being mean to me ʕ ಡ ﹏ ಡ ʔ

Ho: awwwwwwwwwwww my poor baby (っ- ‸ – ς)

Ho: ill protect  u

Dae: @ho September 23, 2015

Ho: ok maybe I cant protect u _physically_ but im on ur side mentally

Dae: @bunny if I buy u enough ice-cream and cotton candy will I be forgiven???

Bunny: and we’ll pet the dogs at the entrance????

Dae: and we’ll pet the dogs at the entrance

Bunny: you are forgiven

Dae: (๑♡3♡๑)

Angel: that’s so cute!!!

Angel: can we join??

Salt: Jongin no

Angel: it will be so cool!!! We will go walk around and play games. There is this new game where you can win any prize you want with dancing. Just you wait and ill get you the biggest teddy bear ever!!!

Salt: fine

Vivi’s dad: whipped

Salt: believe me sehun you don’t want to have the same fate as Baekhyun

Salt: tell him what awaits him @ho

Ho: id rather die a thousand deaths than ever remember those long 10 minutes of my life

Ho: it never happened

Tol: he was screaming so loudly the granny upstairs told me that we should not be so loud when having sex

Vivi’s dad: ASHGDHSDFBJS

Tol: also her wife is convinced baek cheated on me with ksoo since the whole building could hear baek scream ksoos name

Salt: so that’s why she had been glaring at me the last two days

Tol: basically

Ho: my whole life is a cheap drama and im the main star of it

Mother: at least you are the star of it. I feel like im just looking at my life passing right in front of my eyes

Vivi’s dad: im sorry joonmyeon, but our regular emo!joonmyeon was scheduled at 3am not at 12

Mother: sorry my bad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont kill me for the pizza thing ok. firstly i know that this feels unfinished but i dont have time at all. im moving countries in a few hours and i practically forced myself to write at least this bc i promised u guys to have an epilogue. thank u for reading/commenting and leaving kudos. i never expected this to be so appreciated. i know that this wasnt as good as it could be ( and my characterization of chanyeol sucked im sorry son) but still im very happy that my last fic was this. i dont think ill be able to write from there so this is my goodbye of sorts. it was fun while it lasted and i really enjoyed writing (some of the time at least). thank you guys for everything ❤⃛ヾ(๑❛ ▿ ◠๑ )


	12. GUESS WHOS BACK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE BITCHES U THOUGHT UD HAD SEEN THE LAST OF ME. editing on phone is HELL how u guys write fics on them jesus. so like it kept bugging me that i left 2ho hunging in the air and sehun alone so i emerged from the writing grave to bring u my mediocre content. this is the first time im writing after moving here so sorry if its too corny/predictable or not funny ive lost my touch. thats all bye

Bunny: {a photo of a cuteass bunny}

  
Bunny: look at my baby daughter!!!!

  
Angel: amazing! brilliant! fantastic!

  
Angel: 100/10 would pet and give my life for

  
Tol: THE CUTEST THING IN THE WHOLE DAMN UNIVERSE

  
Mother: @Tol language

  
Tol: sorry @Mother

  
Tol: THE CUTEST THING IN THE WHOLE FUCKING UNIVERSE

  
Mother: …

  
Vivi’s dad: she is cute but not as cute as this guy

  
Vivi’s dad: {a cute pic of vivi}

  
Angel: look at that young gentleman so strong so independent

  
Mother: a ruthless heartthrob

  
Tol: what an exquisite gentlemen

  
Dae: truly a charming young man

  
Old man: what about her?

  
Old man: {a photo of the cutest cat u can imagine}

  
Tol: who is this adorable baby?

  
Old man: my cat?

  
Angel: YOU HAVE A CAT????

  
Old man: yeah for 4 months now

  
Mother: HOW THE FUCK WE DIDN’T KNOW THAT U HAVE A CAT

  
Tol: language @Mother

  
Mother: @Tol fuck off

  
Tol: jesus…

  
Dae: @Old man why didn’t we know about her?

  
Old man: bc the last time u guys were at my place was the friday movie night and she was at the vets

  
Angel: why didn’t u tell us u got her in the first place?

  
Old man: I forgot?

  
Bunny: how can you forget a whole cat?

  
Old man: we were too busy trying to set our idiots up so

  
Tol: r u at home now?

  
Old man: something tells me I wont like the direction of this conversation

  
Tol: r u or r u not?

  
Old man: I am, what do u want

  
Tol: im coming to ur place to pet her

  
Angel: me too!

  
Ho: me 2

  
Old man: no way I just got home im too tired to deal with u

  
Tol: too bad for u I already put my shoes on

  
Angel: see u soon :)

  
Old man: oh for fucks sake

  
Tol: come on you love us

  
Old man: id sell u to satan for a cornchip

  
Old man: a half of it actually

  
Ho: ouch

 

***

 

Angel: sehun? :^)

  
Vivi’s dad: yes?

  
Angel: how are you my brother? :^)

  
Vivi’s dad: fine?

  
Angel: really? That’s good to hear :^)

  
Vivi’s dad: what is going on?

  
Vivi’s dad: im starting to fear for my life

  
Angel: nothing at all my friend :^)

 

Vivi’s dad: can u stop u creep me out

 

Angel: how was your day?

 

Vivi’s dad: same as yours asshole. We r in the same group

 

Angel: oh is that so? :^)

 

Angel: btw my beloved best friend how was your dance practice? :^)

 

Vivi’s dad: so this is what this was all about

 

Vivi’s dad: u r gross twisted man go find ur bf and make out with him or smth

 

Mother: @Vivi’s dad @Angel care to elaborate for the rest of us unworthy mortals?

 

Angel: our sehunnie has a boyfriend!

 

Bunny: A WHAT NOW

 

Mother: MY BABY HAS GROWN UP IM TEARING UP

 

Dae: NO WAY R U KIDDING

 

Ho: HOLY SHIT HOW WHN WHO

 

Vivi’s dad: I DON’T HAVE A BOYFRIEND FASCFASVDSHDBFBH

 

Angel: YES U DO

 

Vivi’s dad: NO I DON’T

 

Angel: DO

 

Vivi’s dad: DON’T

 

Angel: DO

 

Ho: @Angel details NOW

Vivi’s dad: guys come on

Ho: shut it noodle

Angel: we r supposed to have a collaboration with the-university-that-cant-be-named. So in one of our numbers we have to divide into couples so sehun gets the tallest guy of the other team. I just blink for a second and then they r hanging off each other laughing at smth on the tall boys phone

Angel: and that’s nothing compared to what happened today

Dae: SPILL

Dae: THE DICKHEAD MADE FUN OF US FAR TOO MUCH I NEED DIRT ON HIM

Vivi’s dad: Stop

Angel: so im stretching behind them (not that I was there on purpose so I could eavesdrop not at all) and then I hear the tall boy (zitao) say “I cant get this right” and u know wat sehun says????

Vivi’s dad: u r dead to me

Mother: WAT/

Angel: “you are huang zitao, you can do anything!”

Bunny: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Ho: HOLY MACARONY THIS IS TOO GOOD

Dae: U R NEVER LIVING THIS DOWN U UNCOOKED LASAGNA

OLD MAN: LMAO

Vivi’s dad: correction: all of u r dead to me

Mother: ur words cant wound me I know what a sap u r now

Vivi’s dad: stop

Mother: NEVER

Ho: YOU R SO GROSS OMG WHAT WERE U GOING TO DO NEXT KISS HIS CHEEK WHEN HE DID GOOD AND TELL HIM HIS MOVES MADE UR HEART BEAT FASTER

Vivi’s dad: …

Angel: HE ACTUALLY DID THAT AS WELL

Ho: he Did WHAT

Dae: sehun and zitao (I guess) sitting on a tree smooching~~~~

Vivi’s dad: @Salt r u online there r some screenshots id like to show u

Angel: u cant scare me im pure

Bunny: he is

Mother: confirmed

Vivi’s dad: @Angel remember the day  kyungsoo got the undercut and wore tight jeans with the black leather jacket? :^)

Angel: ASDFGHJKL HBFUYDSFV FUHSBCK FUCKNG OH SEHUN DON’T

Vivi’s dad: :^)

Angel: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

***

_**Private chat with Kyungsoo and Jongin** _

Kyungsoo: so…

Kyungsoo: u wanted me to “completely raw” you while u pull my hair?

Jongin: fuck

Jongin: im gonna kill him I swear to god gsvgvdfhsjdb

Kyungsoo: relax

Kyungsoo: that’s kinda hot

Jongin: ASDFGHJKL

 

 

***

_**Group chat we are one** _

 

Dae: so at our place this Friday at 8 pm?

Mother: yup

Salt: ill bring snacks

Old man: drinks r on me

Bunny: no offence minseok, but every time u bring drinks we end up drunk

Dae: we don’t mind it but tomorrow all of us have work so pls lets all stay sober

Old man: relax, I wont bring too much

Old man: itll be fine

Mother: we r all responsible adults I think we can manage it

 

* _ **Saturday morning***_

 

Ho: so… how much did we actually drink?

Mother: no idea but at some point I was arguing with the bedroom door for hitting me

Tol: why do I have a huge ass bruise on my arm?????

Dae: bc Yixing hit u

Tol: @Bunny WHY

Bunny: you were shoving ur tang down baek’s through right in front of my daughter

Bunny: u r lucky I didn’t throw u out

Tol: come on she is an animal she doesn’t understand

Bunny: one more word and I swear to god u wont step a foot in my house for the rest of ur life

Tol: wow

Dae: he is very protective of her

Dae: in his defense that’s very cute

Tol: yeah I cant really stay mad that’s cute af

Tol: the bruise still hurts like a bitch tho

Bunny: maybe I can drop by and give u an ice pack???

Bunny: also sorry for coming out so strong I have a terrible headache

Tol: its okay don’t bother I have some at home. I know u didn’t mean it <3

Bunny: <3

Angel: anyone seen my jacket?

Dae: yeah, u left it here along with ur dignity

Angel: did I cry again? Im such a mess

Bunny: worse much MUCH worse

Angel: omg… what did I do?

Old man: u really don’t remember?

Angel: not a thing

Ho: but I do and honestly if anyone asked me to trade this memory for eternal youth or some shit id still keep it

Angel: what the hell did I do

Dae: >:)

Bunny: will u do the honor love @dae?

Dae: thank u baby <3

Dae: *clears throat

Dae: u were shitfaced drunk and when u saw ksoo drunkly playing with tongtong u went up to him and asked “r u single?”

Angel: OH MY GOD WHY AM I LIKE THIS

Old man: its not over yet :))))

Angel: WHAT DO U MEAN???? WHAT CAN POSSIBLY BE WORSE THAN ASKING YOUR BOYFRIEND IF HE HAS A BOYFRIEND////

Bunny: he said “no” and u just started crying

Angel: PLEASE TELL ME U R JOCKING FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLS

Tol: nope it actually happened

Old man: I recorded it!

Tol: Dea and I even made a remix version of your crying along to that goat that just starts screaming out of nowhere. its gorgeous wanna see it?

Angel: PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

Tol: here is the link {my drunk friend asking out his boyfriend and crying when he finds out he is taken}

Dae: we gotta work on that title tho its too long

Ho: agreed

Ho: any fun suggestions????

Angel: I want to die

Dae: that’s too dark. It cant reflect the true hilarity of this whole situation

Ho: my dumbass friend

Vivi’s dad: that’s too vague. Ud post a scare prank with that title or a burnt meal not this piece of art

Vivi’s dad: how about the drunk romeo

Old man: the lost love

Bunny: the confused charmer

Mother: drunk flirting 101

Dae: drunk mess on a mission

Ho: modern tragedy

Tol: the tears of miscommunication

Bunny: wiat no guys this is too much

Angel: THANK YOU I KNEW I COULD COUNT ON YOU

Bunny: the simpler the title is the more views itd get

Bunny: lets just call it ‘the shitfaced drunk asking out his own bf’

Ho: BRILLIANT

Tol: GENIUS

Dae: im so proud of u ;)

Angel: @god why me i am a responsible father of 3 dogs i didn't deserve this

Salt: if it means anything, i thought it was very sweet

Angel: my life sucks but i still love you

 Ho: please children keep it in your pants

***

Mother: GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS

Mother: IT HAPPENED IT FINALLY HAPPENED I WONT END UP LIKE MINSEOK HOARDING CATS AND SHOUTING AT LOUD KIDS

Old man: excuse me?

Mother: HE ASKED ME OUT UHFIUGBHDUIFGBJGDBNIUFHNIFUGHBNJFGBNJFG

Bunny: WHO/

Mother: THE HOTTEST GUY IN THIS UNIVERSE

Dae: im pretty sure its impossible. Im already dating him ;)

Mother: FUCK OFF JONGDAE U CAN FLIRT WITH HIM SOMETIME ELSE PAY ATTENTION TO ME NOW

Ho: HOW DID THIS EVEN HAPPEN? SPEAK UP

Mother: so I went to sehuns practice again just to support my son and to stare at his hot captain while im at it

Mother: then I see his teammates bring a white sheet and covering the net with it and im like????

Mother: then they put a bucket of red paint and several balls near him. They put the balls in the bucket and then took them out and let him kick them straight towards the sheet

Mother: I thought it was some kind of training for aiming and stuff but halfway I saw him drawing a heart on the sheet

Mother: AND MY HEART STARTED LEAPING LIKE IS HE CONFESSING???? WHO IS HE CONFESSING TO??? CAN IT BE ME////

Mother: AND THEN HE SORT OF TURNS AROUND AND SHOUTS ‘”Junmyeon, will you date me?”

Bunny: ASUYSGERBDFHGRUTNGFGUN

Dae: IM FUCKING DYING I CAN BELIEBE THIS

Ho: HE IS THE JOCKEST JOCK TO EVER JOCK IM CHOCKINGDVSDUYFBDDGNC

Old man: OH MY GOD JUST WHY

Salt: Junmyeon im really happy for you but this is hilarious lol

Angel: this is both sweet and ridiculous

Mother: GUYS U WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY FOR ME NOT MAKING FUN OF HIM

Old man: we ARE happy for u but this is just too much

Mother: guys he was being sweet and here u r making fun of him

Bunny: sorry sorry

Bunny: were r u planning to go?

Mother: THANKS

Mother: he knows this great sports bar that has great bear and all kinds of table games inside also there is an important football match this Friday and he wants to see it wit…

Mother: FUCK you are right HE IS THE ALPHA JOCK FML

Mother: IM GOING TO THE ULTIMATE JOCK DATE IM SCREAMING

Ho: HSGDUBFIDUSNFJDNM

Tol: OH.MY.GOD

Vivi’s dad: IM WHEEZING

Angel: its okay as long as he likes u

Dae: he is right. Sure maybe at some point he will make u roleplay his fav football player or dress u as a ball but u know its just how life is

Old man: LMFAO

Mother: there is not a single person in this damn groupchat that’s worth of my time

Mother: bye

Old man: make sure to wear a condom when ull fuck in the lockers

Tol: jhsbsndnhdjnckd

Mother: fuck all of u

Ho: love u too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my english is much worse now btw so sorry


End file.
